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Some people believe that students in school learn better when they studying in group whereas others believe students learn better when they study their own. Discuss both views and give opinion. v.1

Some people believe that students in school learn better when they studying in group whereas others believe students learn better when they study their own. v. 1
In recent decades, juvenile delinquency has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although some people believe that violence in the media is what causes the increase in juvenile crime, some feasible solutions can be considered to address this. There are a number of reasons why juvenile crime is growing. First, since the media offers many questionable contents, like violent games and movies, teenagers tend to imitate the violent scenes. In fact, young people can become aggressive after watching these programs too much, which leads to solving all the conflicts by violent. Second, adolescents are targeted by drug dealers as drug trafficking has become rampant. Plenty of evidence suggests that human brain is susceptible to negative influences of drugs, thus making the young adults have the desire to commit crimes after getting high. Nevertheless, there are also a variety of solutions to alleviate this issue. First, in order to reduce the harmful effects of exposure to media violence, parents should control and guide teenagers when they were children, make plans of the weekly family’s viewing and be selective about the content of programs. In fact that, parents could discuss the interpretation of media violence with the children, become an emphatic listener to their children and support them in sticking to good programs, which helps the youth counter the negative influences of media violence. Second, law enforcement agency should take steps to tighten drug control to ensure little to no drug supply in the market. For example, imposing stricter punishments on drug-related activities, such as life imprisonment, capital punishment would act as a deterrent for drug traffickers and buyers, so the drugg dealers no longer opportunities to get in touch with the young people. In conclusion, violence in the media is one of the most contributing factors to juvenile delinquency. By identifying the reasons behind this issue, family and law enforcement agency could minimize the issue to a manageable level.
In recent decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
delinquency has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is what causes the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
crime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible solutions can
be considered
to address this.

There are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
crime is growing.
First
, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questionable contents, like violent games and movies,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
tend to imitate the violent scenes. In fact, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can become aggressive after watching these programs too much, which leads to solving all the conflicts by violent. Second, adolescents
are targeted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
dealers as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
trafficking has become rampant.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of evidence suggests that human brain is susceptible to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
,
thus
making the young adults have the desire to commit crimes after getting high.

Nevertheless
, there are
also
a variety of solutions to alleviate this issue.
First
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the harmful effects of exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
, parents should control and guide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
when they were children,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
plans of the weekly family’s viewing and be selective about the content of programs. In fact that, parents could discuss the interpretation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
with the children, become an emphatic listener to their children and support them in sticking to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
programs, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the youth counter the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. Second, law enforcement agency should take steps to tighten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
control to ensure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
supply in the market.
For example
, imposing stricter punishments on drug-related activities, such as life imprisonment, capital punishment would act as a deterrent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
traffickers and buyers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
drugg
dealers no longer opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is one of the most contributing factors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
delinquency. By identifying the reasons behind this issue, family and law enforcement agency could minimize the issue to a manageable level.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that students in school learn better when they studying in group whereas others believe students learn better when they study their own. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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