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Some people believe that sports subjects should be removed from school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Some people believe that sports subjects should be removed from school curriculum. with this statement? v. 1
Some people argue that sports subjects should not be taught in schools. Although this is true to some extent, it is my belief that the benefits of having physical subjects in the syllabus are greater. Clearly, there are some reasons why schools should get rid of the physical subjects. Due to the lacking of the number of sports which can be taught in school, most students are forced to do some certain sports which are not their favourites and this in turn has a negative impact on students’ sport spirit. Furthermore, students’ health could also be in danger when the majority of the school sports facilities tend to be not in high, standard and the medical staffs are likely to be less well- trained. However, I would argue that these drawbacks are less significant than the benefits. A number of students now are leading a sedentary life, and thus having sports subjects in school timetables will be more likely to encourage students to become more active. From a health perspective, students can reach their full potential if they have a strong body and a clear mind, which they could gain from physical education. A rise in the interaction between young players could also be achieved by doing sports together, and this is highly beneficial because students can build a stronger bond of friendship. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential advantages of teaching sports as a subject in the school curriculum outweigh the disadvantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should not
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Although this is true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, it is my belief that the benefits of having physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the syllabus are greater.
Clearly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the physical subjects.

Due to the lacking of the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which can
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are forced
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which are not their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourites' is British English.
favourites
and this in turn has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
spirit.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
health could
also
be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
when the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities tend to be not in high, standard and the medical staffs are likely to be less well- trained.

However
, I would argue that these drawbacks are less significant than the benefits. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are leading a sedentary life, and
thus
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
timetables will be more likely to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to become more active. From a health perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can reach their full potential if they have a strong body and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
mind, which they could gain from physical education. A rise in the interaction between young players could
also
be achieved
by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
together, and this is
highly
beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can build a stronger bond of friendship.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the potential advantages of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum outweigh the disadvantage
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people believe that sports subjects should be removed from school curriculum. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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