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Some people believe that sports competition are a source of emotional stress for young people. Therefore youth should be banned from participating in sports competition. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that sports competition are a source of emotional stress for young people. Therefore youth should be banned from participating in sports competition. v. 1
Nowadays, young people are living under an increasing stress. Some believe that the major source of pressure is sports competitions. They believe that teenagers should be prevented from taking part in those events. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the statement of banning youth from sports events. Firstly, sports is considered to be a blessing in disguise for the young generation. Sports acts as a stress buster for them. In this contemporary era, most of the young people are stressed out because of their study or work. Doing some sports with their peers helps them to rejuvenate and release pressure. For example, a study of the world health organization has proved that the young people who perform some sports or take part in sports competition are happier than the others. In addition to this, they learn many valuable skills in sports competition such as team building and coordination. Hence, taking part in sports competition will also boost their confidence. Secondly, sports competition is considered to be an effective way to inspire the young generation interest in sports. Prohibiting youth from participating in sports competition may result in deteriorating their health. Furthermore, the sports competitions bolster them to strengthen their decision making power and teaches them to take the right action in extreme situation. Thus, this leads them to become mentally agile. For instance, a study of sports authority of India has claimed that sports players are the most intelligent and creative people. In conclusion, I assert that the sports should be encouraged among the young people to keep them salubrious and more and more sports events should be organised by the government for the holistic development of the young generation. Therefore, sports competitions are not the major source of emotional stress for youngster’s.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living under an increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that the major source of pressure is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
. They believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
from taking part in those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the statement of banning youth from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is considered
to be a blessing in disguise for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Sport acts" or "Sports act".
Sports acts
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster for them. In this contemporary era, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their study or work. Doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with their peers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to rejuvenate and release pressure.
For example
, a study of the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world health organization
has proved that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
are happier than the others.
In addition
to this, they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
such as team building and coordination.
Hence
, taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
will
also
boost their confidence.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is considered
to be an effective way to inspire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Prohibiting youth from participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
may result in deteriorating their health.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
bolster them to strengthen their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
power and teaches them to take the right action in extreme situation.
Thus
, this leads them to become mentally agile.
For instance
, a study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
authority of India has claimed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players are the most intelligent and creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I assert that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be encouraged
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them salubrious and more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for the holistic development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
are not the major source of emotional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for youngster’s.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that sports competition are a source of emotional stress for young people. Therefore youth should be banned from participating in sports competition. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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