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some people believe that schools with the same-age are better, while others think that schools with girls, and boys are more effective? which approach do you prefer? v.1

some people believe that schools with the same-age are better, while others think that schools with girls, and boys are more effective? which approach do you prefer? v. 1
Recently, it has been observed that numerous people across the world has become work alcoholic and leaving with them very less or no space for family life. This problem has already spread worldwide and start affecting the lives of people. In this essay, I intend to delve into the problems arisen from the less time. Firstly, due to the increasing unemployment rate, unrealistic deadlines, competition and job security, people are working long hours in the office to meet the delivery deadlines. In some cases, they have to report to the office over the weekends as well, to meet the milestones of the project, as a result of which, they spend less or no time with their immediate family members, which leads to relationship damages and sometimes may lead to divorce. For example, in a recent survey conducted in India that the majority of divorce cases are because of husband and wife not spending the quality moments together. Secondly, because of the overstaying in office, numerous employees across the world are suffering from the problem of stress and can develop health diseases like migraine, obesity or depression. Moreover, as individuals spent most of their time on the chair itself, hence develops back pain and hip pain. For example, in a recent survey in the US, it is observed that 80 out of 100 professionals are suffering from the obesity and depression problems. To conclude, both job and personal life are essential to a person's welfare and there should be a proper balance between both professional and a personal life
Recently, it has
been observed
that numerous
people
across the world has become work alcoholic and leaving with them
very
less or no space for family life. This problem has already spread worldwide and
start
affecting the
lives
of
people
. In this essay, I intend to delve into the problems arisen from the less time.

Firstly
, due to the increasing unemployment rate, unrealistic deadlines, competition and job security,
people
are working long hours in the office to
meet
the delivery deadlines. In
some
cases, they
have to
report to the office over the weekends
as well
, to
meet
the milestones of the project,
as a result
of which, they spend less or no time with their immediate family members, which leads to relationship damages and
sometimes
may lead to divorce.
For example
, in a recent survey conducted in India that the majority of divorce cases are
because
of husband and wife not spending the quality moments together.

Secondly
,
because
of the overstaying in office, numerous employees across the world are suffering from the problem of
stress
and can develop health diseases like migraine, obesity or depression.
Moreover
, as individuals spent most of their time on the chair itself,
hence
develops back pain and hip pain.
For example
, in a recent survey in the US, it
is observed
that 80 out of 100 professionals are suffering from the obesity and depression problems.

To conclude
, both job and personal life are essential to a person's welfare and there should be a proper balance between both professional and a personal life
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe that schools with the same-age are better, while others think that schools with girls, and boys are more effective? which approach do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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