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some people believe that schools with the same-age are better, while others think that schools with girls, and boys are more effective? which approach do you prefer? v.2

some people believe that schools with the same-age are better, while others think that schools with girls, and boys are more effective? which approach do you prefer? v. 2
Since the beginning of the last century, education has become very significant to society. The schools have the most influential factor in shaping the students’ personalities. Some people think that schools with same-gender students are better; however, there is a substantial body of evidence that casts doubt on these beliefs. Of course, there are some drawbacks of the co-educational schools, but the benefits outweigh the dangers. From a personal perspective, the schools with both boys and girls are better, given that they improve students’ confidence and communication, and maturity. Below I will strive my supporting point in more detail. The first and foremost point, co-educational schools improve students’ communication skills. A recent survey conducted from the University of Toronto found that students who were in schools with both genders have better communication skills than those who studied in only boys’ or girls’ schools. Furthermore, students from co-educational schools can adjust social environments in a better way, which has a positive impact on their professional livelihood. To put it in another way, the c-educational system improves the ability to work with people from different gender, cultures, and traditions backgrounds in every aspect. Consequently, this educational system very important for students’ personalities. Next, coupled with communication, confidence is another benefit of the schools with both genders. The co-educational system removes the shyness and the fear between the students from both genders. A vivid example that can be given to shed the light on what was elaborated above is, schools in Egypt usually have same-sex even boys or girls. Moreover, girls or boys feel shy from dealing with the opposite gender which builds a psychological barrier in Egyptian society. However, in the co-educational schools, both genders can share problems and solutions which increases their thinking ability as a whole. Therefore, the co-educational learning system is very significant for students’ confidence. Although the previous reasons are the first ones which cross the mind at a glance, they are not the only reasons available. There is another subtle point that must be born in mind. This sort of educational system enhances students’ maturity about many issues such as family, love a, and friendship. provided that students from both genders participate together in many schools’ activities in a well-supervised environment, they could develop friendships in a very natural way. In addition to that, it promotes gender equality and teaches students to respect the opposite gender. As a result, this approach has great benefits for society. Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt, the schools with girls and boys are better. It is suggested that schools educate their students about the importance of communication with the opposite gender, in order to promote a healthy society.
Since the beginning of the last century, education has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant to society. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have the most influential factor in shaping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
personalities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
with same-gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
;
however
, there is a substantial body of evidence that casts doubt on these beliefs.
Of course
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of the co-educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits outweigh the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
. From a personal perspective, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
with both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
confidence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, and maturity. Below I will strive my supporting point in more detail.

The
first
and foremost point, co-educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. A recent survey conducted from the University of Toronto found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who were in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
with both genders have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
than those who studied in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys’
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from co-educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can adjust social environments in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way, which has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on their professional livelihood. To put it in another way, the c-educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the ability to work with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
gender, cultures, and traditions backgrounds in every aspect.
Consequently
, this educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
personalities.

Next
, coupled with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, confidence is another benefit of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
with both genders. The co-educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
removes the shyness and the fear between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from both genders. A vivid example that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed the light on what
was elaborated
above is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in Egypt
usually
have same-sex even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
feel shy from dealing with the opposite gender which builds a psychological barrier in Egyptian society.
However
, in the co-educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, both genders can share problems and solutions which increases their thinking ability as a whole.
Therefore
, the co-educational learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
confidence.

Although the previous reasons are the
first
ones which cross the mind at a glance, they are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reasons available. There is another subtle point that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be born
in mind. This sort of educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
enhances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
maturity about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues such as family,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
Did you forget something after 'a'?
a,
and friendship.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
provided
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from both genders participate together in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools’
activities in a well-supervised environment, they could develop friendships in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
natural way.
In addition
to that, it promotes gender equality and teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to respect the opposite gender.
As a result
, this approach has great benefits for society.

Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. It
is suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
with the opposite gender, in order to promote a healthy society.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe that schools with the same-age are better, while others think that schools with girls, and boys are more effective? which approach do you prefer? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
448 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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