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Some people believe that school children should learn some practical skills like car maintenance, opening a bank account or learning about other traditional skills. v.2

Some people believe that school children should learn some practical skills like car maintenance, opening a bank account or learning about other traditional skills. v. 2
It is true that children learn educational subjects at school, but not many hands-on skills. I completely disagree that schools should teach services like bank account management and car maintenance. On the one hand, school curriculum plays a vital role in students’ career. Firstly, children could give full attention to the subjects that they are studying, and it would improvise their knowledge extensively. Secondly, the youngsters’ timetable is already full, and they do not have time to learn everyday skills. For instance, I remember when I was at school most of my time spent on subjects such as English, Mathematics, and Science than other services. Finally, teaching practical abilities at school is a waste of time that could be learned in the future. On the other hand, teaching useful proficiency at school is not required instead they can utilise it for their syllabus. Bank account maintenance is very simple and easy to learn in their future. For example, I was never taught this skill when I was studying at school but I could manage quite well by opening an account with the bank. There are numerous specialised shops available for repairing vehicles and it should be redundant for school kids. Moreover, teens are not very keen to exercise this kind of skills at school lever rather than trying for their future generation. In conclusion, I believe that more importance should be given the educational subjects instead of teaching other everyday assistances. The student career will deter when they try to focus on this kind of practical skills and it should be avoided for the bright future.
It is true that children learn educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hands-on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. I completely disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should teach services like bank account management and car maintenance.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum plays a vital role in students’ career.
Firstly
, children could give full attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they are studying, and it would improvise their knowledge
extensively
.
Secondly
, the youngsters’ timetable is already full, and they do not have time to learn everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For instance
, I remember when I was at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
most of my time spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as English, Mathematics, and Science than other services.
Finally
, teaching practical abilities at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a waste of time that could
be learned
in the future.

On the other hand
, teaching useful proficiency at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not required
instead
they can
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
it for their syllabus. Bank account maintenance is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple and easy to learn in their future.
For example
, I was never taught this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
when I was studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I could manage quite well by opening an account with the bank. There are numerous
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
shops available for repairing vehicles and it should be redundant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
kids.
Moreover
, teens are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keen to exercise this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
lever
rather
than trying for their future generation.

In conclusion
, I believe that more importance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
instead
of teaching other everyday
Possible spelling mistake found.
assistances
. The student career will deter when they try to focus on this kind of practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and it should
be avoided
for the bright future.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that school children should learn some practical skills like car maintenance, opening a bank account or learning about other traditional skills. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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