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Increasing numbers of students are going to university instead of working after high school. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who do this. v.1

Increasing numbers of students are going to university instead of working after high school. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who do this. v. 1
Many learners have been chosen to debate at an educational institution after completing the secondary certificate rather than engaging with jobs. This essay looks forward to elaborating firstly, the most advantage is getting higher research attention and secondly, the major drawback can be facing a financial crisis. (46 Words) Class at the academy after high school has many advantages; first of all, it keeps application attention precisely. If a student pursues educational institution education after the immediate completion of high school, his mind set-up will not be disrupted. Moreover, taking a gap might divert any student’s review mood and this may result in career drop or failure in getting a higher degree. My childhood best friend, for instance, engaged himself in working and he could not continue to class later due to losing course interest, but I am almost a graduate from Cardiff academy, UK. (94 Words) This phenomenon has some demerits too, having less financial support is the most common. To begin, academy education is not bearable financially often, so few learners face trouble to conduct their application; engaging in working, in that case, before starting tertiary education is a welcoming idea. Learners can save educational fees and sometimes offering support for the family might be also possible, which gives their higher survey a new way. Malaysia is a classic example, almost 25% of secondary accomplisher involve themselves in working before taking a step of a educational institution degree. (92 Words) In conclusion, continuing learning or working after the secondary level has both positives and negatives where the most common merit is getting a nonstop educational attitude, but this often leads facing an economic crisis which is a famous drawback. (39 Words)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
learners have
been chosen
to debate at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institution after completing the secondary certificate
rather
than engaging with jobs. This essay looks forward to elaborating
firstly
, the most advantage is getting higher research attention and
secondly
, the major drawback can be facing a financial crisis. (46 Words)

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Class
at the academy after high school has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages;
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
application attention
precisely
. If a student pursues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institution education after the immediate completion of high school, his mind set-up will not
be disrupted
.
Moreover
, taking a gap might divert any student’s review mood and this may result in career drop or failure in getting a higher degree. My childhood best friend,
for instance
, engaged himself in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
he could not continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
later due to losing course interest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am almost a graduate from Cardiff academy, UK. (94 Words)

This phenomenon has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits too, having less financial support is the most common. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, academy education is not bearable
financially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
few learners face trouble to conduct their application; engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
,
in that case
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting tertiary education is a welcoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. Learners can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
fees and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
offering support for the family might be
also
possible, which gives their higher survey a new way. Malaysia is a classic example, almost 25% of secondary
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomplisher
involve themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking a step of
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institution degree. (92 Words)

In conclusion
, continuing learning or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after the secondary level has both positives and negatives where the most common merit is getting a nonstop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
attitude,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads facing an economic crisis which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
drawback. (39 Words)
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Increasing numbers of students are going to university instead of working after high school. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who do this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
282 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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