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Some people believe that reading books are better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that reading books are better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 1
It is undeniable fact that reading stories from the books are more active activity than the other activities for learning. So, some people opine that watching TVs or playing computer games have more influence in development of children, whereas the others argue that reading books are the best way to acquire knowledge. I totally agree with the latter view. First and foremost, reading books have many advantages which can be divided into two sections: brain development and language development. In the brain development, it develops the abilities and sharpens mind. Firstly, it develops a keen interest in the child. Due to this, they are not only becoming more creative and innovative, but also their imagination abilities will be fostered at a very early age because of this, they are able to understand many complex characters of stories very easily. So, it develops curiosity in the infants. In addition to the above, reading books also help children master language development. Children learn more vocabulary and pronunciation effectively from the books. It also improves the grammatical range of them. Also, infants can learn how to develop sentences and paragraphs while they are reading. They learn how to organize information in an appropriate manner. Owing to this, concentration of children should be increased gradually. On the other hand, learning from the TVs and computers is a much easier task because it is audiovisual and owing to this, children can imbibe easily. It also develops listening abilities as well, but sometimes the imagination power of them would be mitigated. These games are so addicted that if children play these games more than an hour, then they lose their concentration skills, because of this they can distract easily. At last, this can lead to health problems such as eyestrain. At the conclusion, reading books are far better than watching TVs or playing computer games. This is a more efficient way of learning without spoiling health.
It is undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
stories from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are more active activity than the other activities for learning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that watching TVs or playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have more influence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, whereas the others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are the best way to acquire knowledge. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages which can
be divided
into two sections: brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. In the brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develops
the abilities and sharpens mind.
Firstly
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develops
a keen interest in the child. Due to this, they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
becoming more creative and innovative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their imagination abilities will
be fostered
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age
because of this
, they are able to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
complex characters of stories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develops
curiosity in the infants.

In addition
to the above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
master language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
learn more vocabulary and pronunciation
effectively
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the grammatical range of them.
Also
, infants can learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
sentences and paragraphs while they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. They learn how to organize information
Consider replacing "in an appropriate manner" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate manner
. Owing to this, concentration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be increased
gradually
.

On the other hand
, learning from the TVs and computers is a much easier task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is audiovisual and owing to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can imbibe
easily
. It
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develops
listening abilities
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the imagination power of them would
be mitigated
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addicted that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
more than an hour, then they lose their concentration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
because of this
they can distract
easily
. At last, this can lead to health problems such as eyestrain.

At the conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are far better than watching TVs or playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This is a more efficient way of learning without spoiling health.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that reading books are better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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