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It is widely believed that consumerism is Vital for the economic well-Being of a country. However others feel that consumerism has unacceptable social consequences on a society. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Provide examples and suppo v.1

It is widely believed that consumerism is Vital for the economic well-Being of a country. However others feel that consumerism has unacceptable social consequences on a society. Provide examples and suppo v. 1
Nowadays, the other art forms are considered more significant as compared to movies by majority of the masses. I am completely against the notion because cinema is one of the best sources to convey information, and even illiterate individuals can learn through it. To commence with, films are the best way to portray any story and event that occurred in the history because the visuals not only create interest of people in the story but also help them to understand the situation. For example, in a recent survey, it is found that almost 70 percent of people in the world watch movies to learn about history rather than reading it from the books because they find it difficult to read and understand, so they prefer cinema. Hence, films play a substantial role to convey information. Moreover, movies can cater to a larger audience than other art forms as the maximum number of people prefer to watch it rather than going to any exhibition. Besides, the illiterate masses can also learn about history and culture through it. For instance, the literacy rate in India is approximately 70 percent, and these literate people can read about their forefathers from the books, but the rest 30 percent cannot do it since they do not know how to read. Consequently, films are essential to display the past. Therefore, it is apparent that movies are also a significant form of art. To summarize, literature and paintings are an excellent form of art, however less important as compared with the cinema. In my opinion, movies are necessary as it portrays the events as well as helps everyone to gain knowledge.
Nowadays, the other art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
are considered
more significant as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
by majority of the masses. I am completely against the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
cinema is one of the best sources to convey information, and even illiterate individuals can learn through it.

To commence with, films are the best way to portray any story and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
that occurred in the history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the visuals not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the story
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to understand the situation.
For example
, in a recent survey, it
is found
that almost 70 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
to learn about history
rather
than reading it from the books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they find it difficult to read and understand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they prefer cinema.
Hence
, films play a substantial role to convey information.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
can cater to a larger audience than other art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
as the maximum number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it
rather
than going to any exhibition.
Besides
, the illiterate masses can
also
learn about history and culture through it.
For instance
, the literacy rate in India is approximately 70 percent, and these literate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can read about their forefathers from the books,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the rest 30 percent cannot do it since they do not know how to read.
Consequently
, films are essential to display the past.
Therefore
, it is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are
also
a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of art.

To summarize
, literature and paintings are an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of art,
however
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as compared with the cinema. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are necessary as it portrays the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
everyone to gain knowledge.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is widely believed that consumerism is Vital for the economic well-Being of a country. However others feel that consumerism has unacceptable social consequences on a society. Provide examples and suppo v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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