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some people believe that physical fitness of strong individuas and teams is the reason for most sport achievements. Other however, think that mental attitude is more important. discuss both the view and give your own opinion. v.1

some people believe that physical fitness of strong individuas and teams is the reason for most sport achievements. Other however, think that mental attitude is more important. v. 1
It is argued that celebrities like film stars, singers, models, cricketers are earning huge money in their profession. This essay agrees with the statement because entertainers have multiple income streams which helps them to generate massive income and the other type of profession which should be highly remunerated is teacher due to their invaluable contribution towards the growth of our nation. It is unarguably true that the entertainment industry is currently booming with the popularity of the movie stars and musicians. Being a part of the business, celebrities find out different platforms to earn and invest their money, such as producing films, concerts, TV ads, campaigns, endorsement, promotion, real estate, reality shows etc. As a result, they raise huge revenues and can afford an affluent life. To quote an instance, as per the Forbes “100 Top wealthiest person 2019” list, 76 names belong to the entertainment business. Oprah Winfrey earns $188 million and Taylor Smith $185 million annually, they are in the top of the list. Therefore, I believe they are affluently compensated in their craft. The profession which deserves a better salary is a teacher. This is because they play a key role in the society, they impart knowledge and values to our children. Furthermore, they demonstrate the importance of socialization and humanization in their students, who will once lead the nation. Although teachers shoulder a huge responsibility in nurturing and shaping the future, nevertheless, they are poorly paid. So, it is imperative that state not only spend more money to equip our mentors with special skills, but also reward them with a higher pay scale. To illustrate, countries like Singapore and Finland in 2019 have secured the top rank in education as the faculties are provided with high income and benefits, hence they are more focused to their job. In conclusion, artist and performers use their talent and art to gain profits in plenty of ways, which bring huge success and finances to them. However, the teacher creates the foundation of our society and they are worthy to be paid more not only in terms of cash but also in love and respect.
It
is argued
that celebrities like film stars, singers, models, cricketers are earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
money in their profession. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
entertainers have multiple income streams which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to generate massive income and the other type of profession which should be
highly
remunerated is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
due to their invaluable contribution towards the growth of our nation.

It is
unarguably
true that the entertainment industry is
currently
booming with the popularity of the movie stars and musicians. Being a part of the business, celebrities find out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
platforms to earn and invest their money, such as producing films, concerts, TV ads, campaigns, endorsement, promotion, real estate, reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
etc.
As a result
, they raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
revenues and can afford an affluent life. To quote an instance, as per the Forbes “100 Top wealthiest person 2019” list, 76 names belong to the entertainment business. Oprah Winfrey earns $188 million and Taylor Smith $185 million
annually
, they are in the top of the list.
Therefore
, I believe they are
affluently
compensated in their craft.

The profession which deserves a better salary is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they play a key role in the society, they impart knowledge and values to our children.
Furthermore
, they demonstrate the importance of socialization and humanization in their students, who will once lead the nation. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
shoulder a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
responsibility in nurturing and shaping the future,
nevertheless
, they are
poorly
paid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is imperative that state not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spend more money to equip our mentors with special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
reward them with a higher pay scale. To illustrate, countries like Singapore and Finland in 2019 have secured the top rank in education as the faculties
are provided
with high income and benefits,
hence
they are more focused to their job.

In conclusion
, artist and performers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their talent and art to gain profits in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of ways, which bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
success and finances to them.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
creates the foundation of our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they are worthy to
be paid
more not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in terms of cash
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and respect.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe that physical fitness of strong individuas and teams is the reason for most sport achievements. Other however, think that mental attitude is more important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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