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some people say that art subjects such as music drama and creative writing are an essential part of education and every school should include them in its syllabus Do you agree or disagree with this statement Give your opinion and examples of your own expe v.6

some people say that art subjects such as music drama and creative writing are an essential part of education and every school should include them in its syllabus Give your opinion and examples of your own expe v. 6
Childhood is the most critical stage in life. Some parents and teachers believe that teenager's actions should be monitored while others believe they should be allowed to take decisions independently. Both sides of the arguments will be analysed before discussing reasoned opinion on former view. On the one hand, tutors and parents have the view that children's behaviour should be monitored and under surveillance because children do not understand the distinguish between what is wrong or right for them. Besides, negligence in controlling young people can lead them to go astray. For example, recently, Bluewhale game influenced young generation and lead them to suicide. In addition, Children are imbued with moral and ethic values by their guardians which they had learnt from their experience. Since, youth is the pioneer of the future world, they would pass on these values to their young ones in the future. Therefore, teenagers should be monitored stringently in order to track which behaviour and actions they are heading to. On the flip side, some people believe that they should take their own decisions. This is due to the reason, everyone learns from the mistake which results in to stand out stead in their coming times. In other words, it is believed that individual who tend to solve their own problems are more confident and better decision maker in time ahead. For instance, when the problem happens, children who are independent, can make-out solutions to confront trouble confidently while others may ask their parents for help before performing any action. Therefore, they are reluctant to take initiatives and they may leave behind in this competitive world. To conclude, though it is difficult to see which of these two kids are more successful in life, I believe, parents and invigilators should monitor and should guide young people. This is because, they would direct them to the right path and help them to transform their future tremendously.
Childhood is the most critical stage in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
's actions should
be monitored
while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take decisions
independently
. Both sides of the arguments will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
discussing reasoned opinion on former view.

On the one hand, tutors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the view that children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
should
be monitored
and under surveillance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children do not understand
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'distinguish' is correct. If 'distinguish' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the distinguish
between what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
or right for them.
Besides
, negligence in controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can lead them to go astray.
For example
, recently,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bluewhale
game influenced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation and lead them to suicide.
In addition
, Children
are imbued
with moral and ethic values by their guardians which they had
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from their experience. Since, youth is the pioneer of the future world, they would pass on these values to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones in the future.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should
be monitored
stringently
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
which
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and actions they are heading to.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they should take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions. This is due to the reason, everyone learns from the mistake which results in to stand out stead in their coming times.
In other words
, it
is believed
that individual who tend to solve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problems are more confident and better decision maker in time ahead.
For instance
, when the problem happens, children who are independent, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
-out solutions to confront trouble
confidently
while others may ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
performing any action.
Therefore
, they are reluctant to take
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
initiatives and
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
behind in this competitive world.

To conclude
, though it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
which of these two kids are more successful in life, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and invigilators should monitor and should guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they would direct them to the right path and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to transform their future
tremendously
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some people say that art subjects such as music drama and creative writing are an essential part of education and every school should include them in its syllabus Give your opinion and examples of your own expe v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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