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At the present time, the population of some countries include a large number of young people, compared with number of old people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages. v.1

At the present time, the population of some countries include a large number of young people, compared with number of old people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1
Humans have become a prime culprit in the destruction of the wildlife population around the world. Humans believe that they are the most powerful species on this planet and have therefore chosen to use all of nature’s resources for their own good, even if this results in the destruction of the environment around them. Clearly, this is not a positive result of human existence and many people believe that the world’s wildlife population should be better protected. One possible way to protect wildlife around the world is to reduce the amount of polluted substances produced through the human way of life. It has become habitual for people to pollute water by adding chemicals to it during industrial processes or to pollute air as a result of the fossil fuel industries and car emissions. Stopping the addition of chemicals to water and creating cleaner processes would reduce water pollution and help create a safer environment for wildlife to live in. Increasing the availability and use of public transportation and increasing the use of renewable energy sources could reduce world pollution further. Another possible attempt to protect wildlife around the world is to actively promote recycling projects to reduce the amount of resources that are wasted. This would lessen the degradation of the natural environment, as humans continue to search for new resources. Society uses a lot of paper and wood on a daily basis and people do not actively think about whether or not they are wasting these resources. Printing double-sided or on recycled paper, for example, would appear to change nothing, yet if carried out regularly would help make a difference. In conclusion, there are numerous different ways in which every human being can help to protect the wildlife population around the world. One can engage in projects to raise awareness of environmental destruction or one can actively take part in activities to protect it. Everyone must find the area in which he or she would like to involve him or herself, as all should be obliged to protect wildlife around the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Humans
have become a prime culprit in the destruction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Humans
believe that they are the most powerful species on this planet and have
therefore
chosen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
all of nature’s resources for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, even if this results in the destruction of the environment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
them.
Clearly
, this is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
existence and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
population should be better protected.

One possible way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the amount of polluted substances produced through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
way of life. It has become habitual for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to pollute water by adding chemicals to it during industrial processes or to pollute air
as a result
of the fossil fuel industries and car emissions. Stopping the addition of chemicals to water and creating cleaner processes would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
water pollution and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
create a safer environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. Increasing the availability and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of public transportation and increasing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of renewable energy sources could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
pollution
further
.

Another possible attempt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is to
actively
promote recycling projects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the amount of resources that
are wasted
. This would lessen the degradation of the natural environment, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
continue to search for new resources. Society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
paper and wood on a daily basis and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
actively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
they are wasting these resources. Printing double-sided or on recycled paper,
for example
, would appear to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
nothing,
yet
if carried out
regularly
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference.

In conclusion
, there are numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways in which every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. One can engage in projects to raise awareness of environmental destruction or one can
actively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in activities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
it. Everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find the area in which he or she would like to involve him or herself, as all should
be obliged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries include a large number of young people, compared with number of old people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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