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Some people believe that physical fitness of strong individuals and teams is the reason for most sports achievements Others however think that mental attitude is more important Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people believe that physical fitness of strong individuals and teams is the reason for most sports achievements Others however think that mental attitude is more important 1
Some people believe that high-tech devices, especially communication gadgets, have disconnected human with the society and turned them less friendly and unsocial. This essay disagrees with the statement because intelligence has become cheaper these days, and with the advent of social media, humans are more connected with their friends and family regardless of space-time. With the inventions of mobile phones and its commercial usage, conversation has become very economical and assessable for everyone. Cheap carrier packages and numerous mobile apps have played a vital role in this technological transformation. This has made possible for people to connect with their loved one more easily than ever before. For instance, some of these smart phone apps offer free calling services, such as Skype, Viber, Whatsappp are some the big service providers in this market. Secondly, social media website has also played also played great role in order to connect people, not just with peers and family, but also with the masses. This has revolutionized the world in a way that anyone can freely express his thoughts and ideas with their friends or raise his voice on any social or current affair issue from anywhere. Not just this, it helps you to find your long-lost friends through these media websites. Facebook, Twitter are some gigantic name of this lucrative business. In conclusion, there could be many perspectives to view any subject. In my opinion, technological inventions such as mobile phones have reduced the gaps and connect humans more closely with each other like never before. By making long distance transmission economical and using social media websites, irrespective of their geographical location and in no time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that high-tech devices,
especially
communication gadgets, have disconnected human with the society and turned them less friendly and unsocial. This essay disagrees with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
intelligence has become cheaper these days, and with the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, humans are more connected with their friends and family regardless of space-time.

With the inventions of mobile phones and its commercial usage, conversation has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
economical and assessable for everyone.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Cheap
carrier packages and numerous mobile apps have played a vital role in this technological transformation. This has made possible for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to connect with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one more
easily
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these smart phone apps offer free calling services, such as Skype,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viber
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsappp
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
service providers in this market.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
website has
also
played
also
played great role in order to connect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
with peers and family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with the masses. This has revolutionized the world in a way that anyone can
freely
express his thoughts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with their friends or raise his voice on any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affair issue from anywhere. Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
this, it
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "helps you find"?
helps you to find
your long-lost friends through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
websites. Facebook, Twitter
The singular proper name 'Twitter' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gigantic name of this lucrative business.

In conclusion
, there could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
perspectives to view any subject. In my opinion, technological inventions such as mobile phones have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the gaps and connect humans more
closely
with each other like never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. By making long distance transmission economical and using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
websites, irrespective of their geographical location and in no time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that physical fitness of strong individuals and teams is the reason for most sports achievements Others however think that mental attitude is more important 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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