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Some people believe that people have the right to University education and government should make it free no matter what they are financial backgrounds extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that people have the right to University education and government should make it free no matter what they are financial backgrounds extent v. 1
As education is the fundamental right of all citizens, it is commonly argued that, the government should make the university education free of charge irrespective of students' financial conditions. However, I think that the government should help only poor students, so that they can be successful in their lives, despite their poverty. To begin with, since youngsters are the future of the nation, money should not be the obstacle in their careers. Rich students can afford to get admission in prestigious universities. But, there are some poor students, who are bright enough to excel in any field, still they cannot get the tertiary qualifications just because of the monetary issue. Furthermore, these people cannot afford even the one-time meal, let alone education. So, the government must help these pupils financially to move ahead and makes them capable to get rid of their poverty. For example, rich countries, Singapore and the US, accepted that the reason behind the high literacy rate in their countries, is providing monetary help to needy students solely. Moreover, governments have to distribute funds in other sections, in which people actually strive for basic necessities, instead of wasting money to help rich students. Although, an enormous number of advancements in the world, there are still some people, who are not able to get their basic rights, such as food, pure water, shelter and clothes. Hence, it does not make sense to help rich students even though, they are capable enough to study further by themselves. To conclude, the authority of any nation, must ensure that the funds of the nation are utilized effectively. To spend money for the needy people and help them in their poverty, is the need of the day.
As education is the fundamental right of all citizens, it is
commonly
argued that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the university education free of charge irrespective of students' financial conditions.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can be successful in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, despite their poverty.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, since youngsters are the future of the nation, money should not be the obstacle in their careers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in prestigious universities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, who are bright
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to excel in any field,
still
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the tertiary qualifications
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the monetary issue.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford even the one-time meal,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
these pupils
financially
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
ahead and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them capable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of their poverty.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
countries, Singapore and the US,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that the reason behind the high literacy rate in their countries, is providing monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
solely
.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
distribute funds in other sections, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actually strive for
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
,
instead
of wasting money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Although, an enormous number of advancements in the world, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their basic rights, such as food, pure water, shelter and clothes.
Hence
, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sense to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
even though
, they are capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to study
further
by themselves.

To conclude
, the authority of any nation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure that the funds of the nation
are utilized
effectively
. To spend money for the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in their poverty, is the need of the day.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that people have the right to University education and government should make it free no matter what they are financial backgrounds extent v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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