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More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universities in foreign countries. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.5

More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universities in foreign countries. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5
It is true that the number of students who wish to study abroad is rising every day. Moreover, the growing popularity of the foreign education surpasses threats of a financial burden and other disadvantages bound to this education. In my view, there are more advantages than disadvantages because of the new exposure students get while travelling abroad as well as due to a particular academic knowledge they can get only when studying abroad. Firstly, one cannot underestimate the value of experiencing a life abroad. In addition to studying at a university, a student has to live in a completely new environment with new friends, new surroundings and different habits. While the studies can prove to be very expensive, a foreign experience is so invaluable that it outweighs this disadvantage. For example, the recent survey on the pattern of the students' expenditures has shown that the majority of them prefers to invest in education rather than to other valuables. On the other hand, there is not only a cost bound to the studies abroad, but also a detachment from friends and family members that can really feel the pain. Although, the students obtain a new experience, possibly better quality of life and an access to the academic products of own choice, it is sometimes hard to feel away from home. However, even this aspect can be outweighed by the possibility to find new friends and close ones. For instance, statistical studies show that a third of the students studying abroad remains in the countries of their alma-mater for good, getting married or finding a job. In conclusion, there are of course some disadvantages associated with the studies in a foreign country. As a result, there are more advantages that exceed them and that are more valuable and precious.
It is true that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who wish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is rising every day.
Moreover
, the growing popularity of the foreign education surpasses threats of a financial burden and other disadvantages bound to this education. In my view, there are more advantages than disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
exposure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
while travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
as well
as due to a particular academic knowledge they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when studying abroad.

Firstly
, one cannot underestimate the value of experiencing a life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
.
In addition
to studying at a university, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
surroundings and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
habits. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
can prove to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive, a foreign experience is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
invaluable that it outweighs this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
.
For example
, the recent survey on the pattern of the students' expenditures has shown that the majority of them prefers to invest in education
rather
than to other valuables.

On the other hand
, there is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a cost bound to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a detachment from friends and family members that can
really
feel the pain. Although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
obtain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experience,
possibly
better quality of life and
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to the academic products of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to feel away from home.
However
, even this aspect can
be outweighed
by the possibility to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends and close ones.
For instance
, statistical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that a third of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
remains in the countries of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
alma-mater
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, getting married or finding a job.

In conclusion
, there are
of course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages associated with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in a foreign country.
As a result
, there are more advantages that exceed them and that are more valuable and precious.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universities in foreign countries. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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