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Some people believe that part time job can be beneficial for better jobs in future. Others think it can easily distract students. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that part time job can be beneficial for better jobs in future. Others think it can easily distract students. v. 2
Nowadays, a majority of students opting to work part time along with their studies. While some people assert that students who have a free time employment would have increased career opportunities, others think that students should not be distracted from their learning by such part-time jobs. This essay will briefly elaborate on both of these ideas and explain how it is better for students to gain some work experience early on during studies. On one hand, most people worry about the distraction and the unnecessary stress that a job can bring to a student's life. It can be debated that most students struggle to maintain an adequate balance between their work and studies if they choose to get part-time employment, their attention diverts towards their job and they fail to maintain their grades at their respected universities. Some people think that it is too stressful for students to manage their jobs at the same time with their studies because of the never ending deadlines and assignments given by both their institutes and places of employment, especially when the start coinciding with each other. For example, a graduate student can be asked by the university to submit an educational paper by the end of the same week in which he has to submit a detailed report to his boss in the office, thereby it would be hard for him to cope with this stressful situation. On the other hand, students who choose to work while studying benefit extensively from their work experience than their peers who are unemployed. Working at a part-time job teaches these students valuable skills and lessons which can only be learnt in the practical world, furthermore, gaining some employment experience before graduation is often appreciated by prospective employers in the future. Hence, most university teachers encourage their students to enrol in various internship programs offered by different firms and offices. In addition to this advantage of part-time job, students also get the added benefit of earning money to pay for the increasingly expensive college educational programs. In conclusion of this essay, although students who have part-time jobs can get easily distracted from their studies and sometimes find it overwhelming to manage both work and studies at the same time, I still believe it is a good idea for them to do so as gaining some work experience beforehand proves to be beneficial to these scholars professional careers ultimately in the future.
Nowadays, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
would have increased career opportunities, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not
be distracted
from their learning by such part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. This essay will
briefly
elaborate on both of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
early on during studies.

On one hand, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worry about the distraction and the unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can bring to a student's life. It can
be debated
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
struggle to maintain an adequate balance between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
if they choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
, their attention diverts towards their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they fail to maintain their grades at their respected universities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is too stressful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the never ending deadlines and assignments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by both their institutes and places of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
,
especially
when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
coinciding with each other.
For example
, a graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can
be asked
by the university to submit an educational paper by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the same week in which he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
submit a detailed report to his boss in the office, thereby it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for him to cope with this stressful situation.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while studying benefit
extensively
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
than their peers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are unemployed
. Working at a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
teaches these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and lessons which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in the practical world,
furthermore
, gaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
graduation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
appreciated by prospective employers in the future.
Hence
, most university teachers encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to enrol in various internship programs offered by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
firms and offices.
In addition
to this advantage of part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
benefit of earning money to pay for the
increasingly
expensive college educational programs.

In conclusion
of this essay, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
distracted from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
find it overwhelming to manage both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I
still
believe it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as gaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
beforehand proves to be beneficial to these scholars professional careers
ultimately
in the future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that part time job can be beneficial for better jobs in future. Others think it can easily distract students. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
404 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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