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People aim to achieve balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problems? How to over come it? v.4

People aim to achieve balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problems? How to over come it? v. 4
Despite knowing about the busy arrangement of working people their only aim is to keep equity among both office and the family. However, a low proportion of people have been able to achieved it. This essay will examine the cause of the busy schedule and possible solution to this problem. The two main causes of stability between the strive and lives are busy working setup, and competition between other employees. Whenever, a person steps in the job sector their only goal is to get promoted over the time, it is only possible when they will work hard to touch the peak of their success. For instance, not everyone starts from the top position all they need to complete their monthly target to ensure the career growth. Also, when they get their desired position in the company their workload will increase, which directly means less time to make yourself free for your household because if they won't reach the targeted value, they will get fired from their position. Thus, for the advancement in professional life they need to work desperately. Some possible solutions to this problem are spending weekends with the families, and outing for a short period. If they will utilise their weekend break with their parents, it will not only enlighten their surroundings, but as well as decrease in workload too. Moreover, they can take few day vacations from their working organizations to go out for a few days because such trips create long lasting memories which do not only make them fresh, and relax but also give them many reasons to smile. Hence, despite their busy schedule and if they will try to take the advantage of their free time to spend with their loved one's and themselves then the things might be sorted. In conclusion, we can't deny their busy schedule and field competition, however the efforts could be made to manage this by using free weekends and few short family trips.
Despite knowing about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
arrangement of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
aim is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
equity among both office and the family.
However
, a low proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have been able to achieved it. This essay will examine the cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
schedule and possible solution to this problem.

The two main causes of stability between
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'strive' is correct. If 'strive' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the strive
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
working setup, and competition between other employees. Whenever, a person steps in the job sector their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
goal is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted over the time, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
possible when they will work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to touch the peak of their success.
For instance
, not everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from the top position all they need to complete their monthly target to ensure the career growth.
Also
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their desired position in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
their workload will increase, which
directly
means less time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
yourself free for your household
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they won't reach the targeted value, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fired from their position.
Thus
, for the advancement in professional life they need to work
desperately
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
possible solutions to this problem are spending weekends with the families, and outing for a short period. If they
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will utilise
their weekend break with their parents, it will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
enlighten their surroundings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as well
as decrease in workload too.
Moreover
, they can take few day vacations from their working organizations to go out for a few days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such trips create
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
memories which do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them fresh, and relax
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to smile.
Hence
, despite their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
schedule and if they will try to take the advantage of their free time to spend with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one's and themselves then the things might
be sorted
.

In conclusion
, we can't deny their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
schedule and field competition,
however
the efforts could
be made
to manage this by using free weekends and few short family trips.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay People aim to achieve balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problems? How to over come it? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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