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do you agree or disagree with the statement? rich people should allocate their wealth with poor people. v.21

rich people should allocate their wealth with poor people. v. 21
The more money a person has, the more should give away to charities. An undeniable fact of today world is importance of money. Earning money is a global concern, especially in the developed country, and one and all do their best to become rich. One of the most severe dilemmas that everyone face is whether the rich should allocate a large amount of their budget to the poor. Although at first glance it seems so humanitarian activity and many people appreciate this line of thought, I strongly do not agree with what many people believe. I feel this way because of two reasons which would elaborate in following paragraphs. To commence, one the most persuasive reasons is that, giving money to a charity cannot solve the poverty problem in the society. What I mean is that, imagine there is a poor family and they are supported by a rich man who allocates a considerable amount of money monthly for this family. As a result, neither parents who should manage that family nor children tries to change their situation. After a while they will get used to this situation and this circle including receiving money instead of working and earning money by the member of the poor family will be continued. As equally as first reason which elaborated above is that, rich people have been working so hard to earning money so in this way they deserve to have more one. Take an example of one successful people in the world such as Dr. Nateqi. As much as I know and read his biography; this person has been trying hard since he was 10 years old. Although he had a trouble-childhood, he had never stop endeavor. He studied so hard and entered a high-ranked university in our country, had never stop studying and as a result, he graduated with a high mark. After thirty years that he has been working night and day, now life is appealing to him and he is one the richest people in our community. It is not fair to donate his money on account of being rich. Nevertheless, the rich one can help the poor as much as possible and pave the way for them. Nonetheless, this was a story in a nutshell. There are, however, some other examples and reasons, challenging the above statements, which are not mentioned. To put it briefly, based on the aforementioned reasons, I strongly believe that the poverty should be solved deeply in society and not only donate money is not the best way, but also the poor themselves should change their situation and do not await others help.
The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
a person has, the more should give away to charities.

An undeniable fact of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
world is importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a global concern,
especially
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
, and one and all do their best to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
. One of the most severe dilemmas that everyone face is whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
should allocate a large amount of their budget to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
. Although at
first
glance it seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
humanitarian activity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
appreciate this line of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, I
strongly
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with what
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe. I feel this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which would elaborate in following paragraphs.

To commence, one the most persuasive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is that, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to a charity cannot solve the poverty problem in the society. What I mean is that, imagine there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they
are supported
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who allocates a considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
monthly for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
As a result
, neither parents who should manage that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
nor children tries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their situation. After a while they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to this situation and this circle including receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
instead
of working and earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by the member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will
be continued
.

As
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which elaborated above is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in this way they deserve to have more one. Take an example of one successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world such as Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nateqi
. As much as I know and read his biography; this person has been trying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
since he was 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Although he had a trouble-childhood, he had never
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "stopped".
stop
endeavor. He studied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and entered a high-ranked university in our country, had never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
studying and
as a result
, he graduated with a high mark. After thirty years that he has been working night and day,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
life is appealing to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
him and
he is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our community. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to donate his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on account of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
.
Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
as much as possible and pave the way for them.

Nonetheless, this was a story in a nutshell. There are,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other examples and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, challenging the above statements, which are not mentioned. To put it
briefly
, based on the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, I
strongly
believe that the poverty should
be solved
deeply
in society and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
donate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the best way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
themselves should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their situation and do not await others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay rich people should allocate their wealth with poor people. v. 21

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
439 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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