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Some people believe that our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. v. 1
Many people hold that our character traits are predefined through heredity before birth, so, changing them is simply out of the question. I do not completely agree with this notion because | believe genetic makeup is not the only determinant of human personalities. Together with heredity, there are other shapers of personalities, including culture and education. Specifically, cultural values affect the way people behave under certain circumstances while education acts as a foundation on which people build and develop their own set of personal traits. In certain contexts, the interaction between genetics and these factors might make a person alter his/her personality. For example, a person might be genetically predisposed to being shy and simple-minded, but living in a highly-interactive and well-educated community, such as in a cosmopolitan city, might lead him to be more confident and intelligent. In general, cultural and educational environments are the real keys to the personality change. Of course, the role of genes in the development of personality is undeniable. Many research findings suggest that most genetic traits that we have are emotional patterns, that is natural states that hardly changes throughout one's lifetime. For example, some people are naturally more fearful than others and even when they reach adulthood, they still have phobias and tend to avoid scary things, such as horror movies. However, as mentioned above, genes are not the only crucial factor in forming personality; therefore, it is unlikely that inherited personalities will remain fixed and stable throughout one's life. In conclusion, although genetic makeup has an immense influence on the development of personalities, this is not a sound reason to argue that our character traits will never change.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold that our character
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traits
are predefined
through heredity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
birth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, changing them is
simply
out of the question. I do not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
| believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
makeup is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
determinant of human personalities.

Together with heredity, there are other shapers of personalities, including culture and education.
Specifically
, cultural values affect the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behave under certain circumstances while education acts as a foundation on which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
build and develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
set of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traits
. In certain contexts, the interaction between genetics and these factors might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person alter his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
.
For example
, a person might be
genetically
predisposed to being shy and simple-minded,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
living in a
highly
-interactive and well-educated community, such as in a cosmopolitan city, might lead him to be more confident and intelligent.
In general
, cultural and educational environments are the real keys to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

Of course
, the role of genes in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
is undeniable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
research findings suggest that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traits
that we have are emotional patterns,
that is
natural states that hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
throughout one's lifetime.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
naturally
more fearful than others and even when they reach adulthood, they
still
have phobias and tend to avoid scary things, such as horror movies.
However
, as mentioned above, genes are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
crucial factor in forming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
;
therefore
, it is unlikely that inherited personalities will remain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
and stable throughout one's life.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
makeup has an immense influence on the development of personalities, this is not a sound reason to argue that our character
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traits
will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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