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Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v.39

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 39
It is true that many tourists have become more enthusiastic to visit places which they have to tolerate intricate situations, two examples of these locations are the Sahara desert or the antarctic. Although travelling to such places has many merits, it has several demerits which are worth considering. Actually, visiting various places where conditions are complex has many advantages. Firstly, it is a great opportunity for them to get acquainted with the history and also the undetected facts which people cannot see typically in cities and countries, such as rare species, pristine nature and so on. In fact, they can experience the beauty of nature in a place that is remote from the noisy cities and hear the sound of the surroundings. Secondly, they would like to trial their endurance in order to recognize their weaknesses. What is more, some tourists may be major in special fields and during their journeys, they can acquire a load of information which can be advantageous for later scholarships. One the other hand, these trips have a few disadvantages which should be considered by tourists. Firstly, visitors are putting their health at risk due to the fact that these places which I mentioned above paragraph have Savage animals such as bear, Scorpion, snake, and so on and they may assault tourists and lead to irreparable damage to them. Furthermore, in intricate conditions tourists may not tolerate lower and upper temperature and this issue can cause health difficulties for them. Secondly, some tourists are very stubborn and do dangerous activities in order to show their abilities to others. In other words, these activities may blemish to everyone for instance, take the photos during driving in the Sahara desert or break the Frosty surface of the oceans in the Antarctic to fishing and deteriorate everything. In conclusion, travelling to bizarre places has many merits outweigh the drawbacks for tourists with tremendous experiences and it would be a good idea for tourists to take all vital equipment.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
have become more enthusiastic to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
tolerate intricate situations, two examples of these locations are the Sahara desert or the antarctic. Although travelling to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits, it has several demerits which are worth considering.

Actually, visiting various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where conditions are complex has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.
Firstly
, it is a great opportunity for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquainted with the history and
also
the undetected facts which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
typically
in cities and countries, such as rare species, pristine nature and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In fact, they can experience the beauty of nature in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
that is
remote from the noisy cities and hear the sound of the surroundings.
Secondly
, they would like to trial their endurance in order to recognize their weaknesses.
What is more
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
may be major in special fields and during their journeys, they can acquire a load of information which can be advantageous for later scholarships.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, these trips have a few disadvantages which should
be considered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
Firstly
, visitors are putting their health at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
due to the fact that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which I mentioned above paragraph have Savage animals such as bear, Scorpion, snake, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
on and
they may assault
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
and lead to irreparable damage to them.
Furthermore
, in intricate conditions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
may not tolerate lower and upper temperature and this issue can cause health difficulties for them.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
stubborn and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activities in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their abilities to others.
In other words
, these activities may blemish to everyone
for instance
, take the photos during driving in the Sahara desert or break the Frosty surface of the oceans in the Antarctic to fishing and deteriorate everything.

In conclusion
, travelling to bizarre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits outweigh the drawbacks for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
with tremendous experiences and it would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to take all vital equipment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 39

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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