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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.31

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 31
In the United Kingdom, older people often leave their families to live with their older peers in nursing homes and sometimes the authority is responsible for their welfare. In my opinion, the government and the family should be responsible in paying for the care of the older ones. Firstly, the family is responsible for the well-being for their aged and should not be left at the mercy of the state only. This is because the elderly have lived with their families before they came of age and they need their support not only financially but in other aspects as their families are indebted to them. For example, older people that paid the tuition fees of their children need the support and responsibility for them in other to not feel abandoned or unsupported. Furthermore, state should assist the family in the payment of the care they receive from nursing homes so as to reduce the burden on families that are not financially buoyant. In addition, the government owes the elderly pensions and this can be used to aid their care in geriatric homes, it is also within the rights of the elderly to be catered for by the law as a citizen of the country. For example, tax paid by older people when they were working can now be diverted to their care and well- being in geriatric homes. In conclusion, the government should assist the family of the aged to ensure they receive adequate care and financial assistant they will be needing. It is not the job of the family nor the government alone, but the job of both.
In the United Kingdom,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
peers in nursing homes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the authority is responsible for their welfare. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should be responsible in paying for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
ones.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is responsible for the well-being for their aged and should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
at the mercy of the state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the elderly have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they came of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
age and
they need their support not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
financially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in other aspects as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are indebted
to them.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that paid the tuition fees of their children need the support and responsibility for them in other to not feel abandoned or unsupported.

Furthermore
, state should assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in the payment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
they receive from nursing homes
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
that are not
financially
buoyant.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
owes the elderly pensions and this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to aid their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
in geriatric homes, it is
also
within the rights of the elderly to
be catered
for by the law as a citizen of the country.
For example
, tax paid by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
when they were working can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be diverted
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and well- being in geriatric homes.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
of the aged to ensure they receive adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and financial assistant they will
The verb 'needing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be needing
. It is not the job of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
nor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
alone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the job of both.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 31

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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