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Many university graduates cannot find a job in their chosen profession, what factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opnion, should be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include and relevant examples from your own knowledge o v.1

Many university graduates cannot find a job in their chosen profession, what factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opnion, should be done about it? 1
The subject of the abolition of capital punishment has been under debate for a long time. Some believe it is an excellent way to punish murderers. Others call immoral and unethical. Personally, I think that it should be used as a punishment by our government. Admittedly, there are occasions when there are extenuating circumstances which warrant consideration. For instance, murders committed in self-defence. Another critical factor is pre-meditation; arguably, some allowances should be made for crimes of passion committed in the heat of the moment. Additionally, there are indeed people who unintentionally kill a person. Therefore the judiciary, before issuing its verdict, must consider every aspect. There are many arguments; however, to support the maximum punishment Firstly, there is a widespread consensus that the death penalty is acceptable; in fact, statistics say that over 60% of people around the world believe in using it. That is almost a two-to-one ratio. Also, it is legal in nearly two-thirds of the countries including our own country. Consequently, as most nations agree with this method, it can be considered ethical. Furthermore, if a pregnant woman can have an abortion, killing an unborn child, innocent of any crime, then why can the society, not use the death penalty to punish murderers who have been tried and convicted of their offence? In addition, it is widely upheld that justice should not merely be done, but it should be seen to be done. So, in order to assuage the collective conscience of society, it is essential that the punishment be commensurate with the crime. To cite an example, in 2011, a young mother was rendered helpless and made to watch as her baby was executed. The mother was then mutilated and killed. If such a killer were to be allowed to lie in some prison with three meals a day, clean sheets, family visits and endless appeals, it would most certainly spark outrage. In conclusion, capital punishment is necessary for society to be just and fair to the victims of crime.
The subject of the abolition of capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
has been under debate for a long time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe it is an excellent way to punish murderers. Others call immoral and unethical.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
by our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Admittedly
, there are occasions when there are extenuating circumstances which warrant consideration.
For instance
, murders committed in
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
. Another critical factor is
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-meditation
;
arguably
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
allowances should
be made
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
of passion committed in the heat of the moment.
Additionally
, there are
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
unintentionally
kill a person.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the judiciary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
issuing its verdict,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider every aspect.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments;
however
, to support the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
Firstly
, there is a widespread consensus that the death penalty is acceptable; in fact, statistics say that over 60% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world believe in using it.
That is
almost a two-to-one ratio.
Also
, it is legal in
nearly
two-thirds of the countries including our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.
Consequently
, as most nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this method, it can
be considered
ethical.
Furthermore
, if a pregnant woman can have an abortion, killing an unborn child, innocent of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, then why can the society, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the death penalty to punish murderers who have
been tried
and convicted of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
?

In addition
, it is
widely
upheld that justice should not
merely
be done
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to
be done
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in order to assuage the collective conscience of society, it is essential that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
be commensurate with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. To cite an example, in 2011, a young mother
was rendered
helpless and made to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
as her baby
was executed
. The mother was then mutilated and killed. If such a killer were to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to lie in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prison with three meals a day, clean sheets, family visits and endless appeals, it would most
certainly
spark outrage.

In conclusion
, capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is necessary for society to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to the victims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many university graduates cannot find a job in their chosen profession, what factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opnion, should be done about it? 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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