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some people believe that nowadays we have many too choices. What extent do you agree or disagree this statement? v.1

some people believe that nowadays we have many too choices. What extent v. 1
It is sometimes argued that in today life we are provided with a wide range of choices. In my view, I completely agree with this idea because of two main reasons, the development of the Internet and the rising in competition among plentiful companies. The first and foremost cause led to the change in the number of options you can choose is the growth of the Internet. Throughout the Internet, you can find the information needed from many sources. For example, if you want to buy a mobile phone, you just need to type "phone" on Google, then you will see a large selection of labels produced this product. Besides, Internet shortens the distance gap among people all over the world. With various websites, people can easily connect with others. Therefore, you could buy something in foreign countries only by a click and without any difficulties. As a consequence, our choices are broadened. Another reason worth concerning is that the increasingly competitive in different companies in different nations. There are now more and more organisations that produce the same products, with a difference in prices and quality. When one decides to purchase a product, he or she will compare these aspects. Thus, whenever a new product is shown in public, certainly many other similar ones which are both cheaper and higher qualify than the first one will be launched. This also means that we can choose one from numerous selections. In conclusion, having many alternatives available is a good change in all elements considering.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
life we
are provided
with a wide range of choices. In my view, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two main reasons, the development of the Internet and the rising in competition among plentiful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

The
first
and foremost cause led to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the number of options you can choose is the growth of the Internet. Throughout the Internet, you can find the information needed from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sources.
For example
, if you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a mobile phone, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to type
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
phone
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
on Google, then you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a large selection of labels produced this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
Besides
, Internet shortens the distance gap among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all over the world. With various websites,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
easily
connect with others.
Therefore
, you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something in foreign countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by a click and without any difficulties. As a consequence, our choices
are broadened
.

Another reason worth concerning is that the
increasingly
competitive in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations. There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more and more
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
that produce the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, with a difference in prices and quality. When one decides to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, he or she will compare these aspects.
Thus
, whenever a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is shown
in public,
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other similar ones which are both cheaper and higher qualify than the
first
one will
be launched
. This
also
means that we can choose one from numerous selections.

In conclusion
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
alternatives available is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in all elements considering.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay some people believe that nowadays we have many too choices. What extent v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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