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Some people believe that newspaper is the best way to learn about news. While others believe that more effective way is through other media. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that newspaper is the best way to learn about news. While others believe that more effective way is through other media. v. 1
Unlike in the past, people today have the luxury of enjoying movies using their electronic devices such as smartphones and tablets. Due to this technological development, some identify going to a theatre as a waste of their time, while others still believe the old way of watching a film. In my opinion, people should at least occasionally visit a cinema. To begin with, watching movies via the electronic devices saves time and effort and also online movie stores nowadays consist of the latest copies of films. In order to watch a movie in a theatre a person required to travel. Unfortunately, commuting in these days is quite a nightmare because of the heavy traffic on roads. However, if someone decides to enjoy something using their mobile phones, it is just one mouse click away from them. Moreover, a person could catch a movie anywhere they would like, thanks to this technology. For instance, commuting time of people has been increased significantly in the past decade. Hence, nowadays most people subscribed to services like Netflix to enjoy their favourite show while they are on the way. On the other hand, watching movies from these devices won't give you the exact amusement a theatre offers. The cinema halls are also not they were used to be, technology has found its way to those places as well. For example, a modern theatre would consist with advanced sound systems, 3D effects sometimes even 4D effects, which provide a unique experience to the audience. In addition, it helps people to enjoy new movies with the friends and family rather than having it for themselves. In a way it promotes the relationships of the society. To recapitulate, technology has offered us the option of watching our favourite shows through our mobile devices. Obviously, it is more convenient and time saving. Yet, in order to fully enjoy a movie with loved ones, still the best way is to go for the conventional way.
Unlike in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have the luxury of enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
using their electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
such as smartphones and tablets. Due to this technological development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
identify going to a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
as a waste of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, while others
still
believe the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
way of watching a film. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should at least
occasionally
visit a cinema.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
via the electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and effort and
also
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
stores nowadays consist of the latest copies of films. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
a person required to travel. Unfortunately, commuting in these days is quite a nightmare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the heavy traffic on roads.
However
, if someone decides to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
something using their mobile phones, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one mouse click away from them.
Moreover
, a person could catch a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
anywhere they would like, thanks to this technology.
For instance
, commuting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
been increased
significantly
in the past decade.
Hence
, nowadays most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
subscribed to services like Netflix to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
while they are on the way.

On the other hand
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
won't give you the exact amusement a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
offers. The cinema halls are
also
not they were
In the grammatical structure 'pronoun + be/get + used + to + verb', the verb 'used' is used with the gerund: "used to being".
used to be
, technology has found its way to those places
as well
.
For example
, a modern
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
would consist with advanced sound systems, 3D effects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even 4D effects, which provide a unique experience to the audience.
In addition
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
with the friends and family
rather
than having it for themselves. In a way it promotes the relationships of the society.

To recapitulate, technology has offered us the option of watching our
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
through our mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.
Obviously
, it is more convenient and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
saving.
Yet
, in order to
fully
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones,
still
the best way is to go for the conventional way.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that newspaper is the best way to learn about news. While others believe that more effective way is through other media. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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