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Ques: Both the poor and rich find the accessibility to university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Ques: Both the poor and rich find the accessibility to university difficult. v. 1
Both the poor and rich find the accessibility to university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? Access to university education is still a challenge for the masses, irrespective of their wealth. In recent times secondary education has seen a surge, which in turn has put a lot of pressure on tertiary education. Due to fewer seats, competition is an all-time high and tuition fees are very expensive. I strongly believe that students from privileged backgrounds are in advantage as compared to students who cannot afford costly education. Firstly, as the technology advances in the education sector, websites with online learning and test gives you an advantage over the legacy methods. These new methods give you detailed information, like what are your weak points, where you need to spend more time, consequently you can focus on weak areas. Technology is expensive where the wealthy can buy gadgets and have access to online stores anytime, while others cannot afford it. Secondly, poverty-stricken students start doing part-time time jobs to support their families at a very early age. Their time gets divided, because of which they are not able to clear the cutoff. For example, In India, there was a news story published in the Hindustan Times that only 25% of students from the middle class and 15% of students from lower middle class pursue higher education in universities. Higher studies should be made compulsory for all so that all can have equal opportunity. As per the current scenario, I think the rich have an advantage over the poor. We need to rectify this scenario so that we could have a level playing field for all.
Both the poor and rich find the accessibility to university difficult. Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree?

Access to university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
still
a challenge for the masses, irrespective of their wealth. In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a surge, which in turn has put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure on tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Due to fewer seats, competition is an all-time high and tuition fees are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from privileged backgrounds are in advantage as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who cannot afford costly education.

Firstly
, as the technology advances in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
sector, websites with online learning and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
gives you an advantage over the legacy methods. These new methods give you detailed information, like what are your weak points, where you need to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
consequently
you can focus on weak areas. Technology is expensive where the wealthy can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
gadgets and have access to online stores anytime, while others cannot afford it.

Secondly
, poverty-stricken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
jobs to support their families at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
divided,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the cutoff.
For example
, In India, there was a news story published in the Hindustan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
25% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and 15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from lower middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in universities.

Higher studies should
be made
compulsory for all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that all can have equal opportunity. As per the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the rich have an advantage over the poor. We need to rectify this scenario
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we could have a level playing field for all.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Ques: Both the poor and rich find the accessibility to university difficult. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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