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Some people believe that life in a large city is becoming more and more arduous, while the life in villages is much more beneficial. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Some people believe that life in a large city is becoming more and more arduous, while the life in villages is much more beneficial. v. 1
Nowadays the majority of people are finding life in the urban area extremely challenging. It is hard to disagree that life in the countryside brings certain benefits to individuals. However, big cities offer them more opportunities for development and entertainment. To begin with, there are various reasons why urban life can be considered easier than in the countryside. First of all, citizens have more chances to get a better education and make good career growth. Obviously, the majority of the best educational institutions with excellent staff and up to date technology are situated mainly in major cities. In terms of employment, there are wide opportunities for people in metropolis to succeed in their profession and earn the desired salary. Secondly, the level of health care in cities is much higher than in villages or small towns, thus, in extreme cases advanced technologies in hospitals are available to save more lives and prevent serious diseases. Finally, there is a wide range of entertainment and sports facilities in big cities, such as shopping malls, restaurants, sports and dance clubs, which create more contentment in life. On the other hand, life in the cities has certain hardships. The first one is that the cost of living is higher than in rural areas and, consequently, housing is usually much more expensive. To deal with this, citizens have to work much and earn more money. The second problem is traffic congestion and crime which make life in the urban area extremely stressful and terrible. Moreover, due to business and stress cities suffer a lack of community sense and people do not even know their neighbours. As a result, cities are sometimes described as concrete jungles with their rules and conditions that force inhabitants to become more severe to survive. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly true that life in the metropolis is more problematic to some extent than living in the countryside. Nevertheless, from the opposite view, it gives more opportunities in certain aspects.
Nowadays the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the urban area
extremely
challenging. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the countryside brings certain benefits to individuals.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
offer them more opportunities for development and entertainment.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various reasons why urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can
be considered
easier than in the countryside.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, citizens have more chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career growth.
Obviously
, the majority of the best educational institutions with excellent staff and up to date technology
are situated
mainly
in major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. In terms of employment, there are wide opportunities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in metropolis to succeed in their profession and earn the desired salary.
Secondly
, the level of health care in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is much higher than in villages or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns,
thus
, in extreme cases advanced technologies in hospitals are available to save more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
serious diseases.
Finally
, there is a wide range of entertainment and sports facilities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, such as shopping malls, restaurants, sports and dance clubs, which create more contentment in life.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has certain hardships. The
first
one is that the cost of living is higher than in rural areas and,
consequently
, housing is
usually
much more expensive. To deal with this, citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work much and earn more money. The second problem is traffic congestion and crime which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the urban area
extremely
stressful and terrible.
Moreover
, due to business and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
suffer a lack of community sense and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not even know their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
as concrete jungles with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and conditions that force inhabitants to become more severe to survive.

In conclusion
, it is
undoubtedly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the metropolis is more problematic to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent than living in the countryside.
Nevertheless
, from the opposite view, it gives more opportunities in certain aspects.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that life in a large city is becoming more and more arduous, while the life in villages is much more beneficial. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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