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Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views. v.9

While some people argue that zoos are brutal and should be shut down, others believe that they can be utilized to save wild animals. In my opinion, humans do not have any moral right to exploit animal life by caging them into places such as zoos. On the one side of the argument, people should stop behaving cruelly to animals by making zoos. I completely agree with the statement and the most compelling reason for believing this is that zoos take away the freedom of animals. Although zoos create the same environment like a forest at some level, an artificial living environment in a zoo can’t give free life to animals, which they can live in natural habitats. Furthermore, animals get ready-made food from humans in zoos which also restricts them from hunting experience. Another reason is that people do not have any moral right to cage animals for entertainment purposes. When humans think that they are an important creature on the planet, they should keep in mind that animals are also living organisms and a part of the planet having the same rights to live their life freely. Therefore, efforts should be made to make people aware of deforestation so that wildlife can be saved. On contrary, some people believe that zoos can be useful for saving animals. Primarily, the reason for believing this is that many animals are on the verge of extinction. For example, species of tigers in India were on the verge of extinction a few years ago so a variety of man-made places were built to keep tigers safe. Hence, the tigers’ numbers have grown substantially. Secondly, some endangered wild species can get proper nourishments in zoos. As trained forest officials work at zoos, they can take care of animals’ food and other requirements for their survival. Consequently, zoos can be a life-saving place for some endangered wild animals. In conclusion, while both views are commonly held in society, I believe that people should not make such places as zoos for entertainment purposes. Zoos keep animals that are not on the verge of extinction too, and by doing that humans take away the freedom of wild animals.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that zoos are brutal and should
be shut
down, others believe that they can
be utilized
to save wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
do not have any moral right to exploit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
life by caging them into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
such as zoos.

On the one side of the argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
behaving
cruelly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
by making zoos. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and the most compelling reason for believing this is that zoos take away the freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Although zoos create the same environment
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
like
a forest at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
level, an artificial living environment in a zoo can’t give free life to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in natural habitats.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready-made food from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
in zoos which
also
restricts them from hunting experience. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any moral right to cage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for entertainment purposes. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
creature on the planet, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
also
living organisms and a part of the planet having the same rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life
freely
.
Therefore
, efforts should
be made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware of deforestation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that wildlife can
be saved
.

On contrary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that zoos can be useful for saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Primarily
, the reason for believing this is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are on the verge of extinction.
For example
, species of tigers in India were on the verge of extinction a few years ago
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
were built
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
tigers safe.
Hence
, the tigers’ numbers have grown
substantially
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
endangered wild species can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper
Possible spelling mistake found.
nourishments
in zoos. As trained forest officials work at zoos, they can take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
food and other requirements for their survival.
Consequently
, zoos can be a life-saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
endangered wild animals.

In conclusion
, while both views are
commonly
held in society, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
as zoos for entertainment purposes. Zoos
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
that are not on the verge of extinction too, and by doing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
take away the freedom of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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