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Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views. v.2

It is an extensively held believe that brutality against endangered animals are outweighed only by closure of zoos, but there is a robust counter argument amongst section of people that zoos are important for protection of rare animals. However, I am of the Judgment that this matter is to be scrutinized properly before conclusion can be drawn. Elaborating the mindset of those who favors that cruelty against rare animals are stopped by closure of zoos. There are plentiful reasons to justify this viewpoint. First and the foremost, Animals are caged against their will as it is undeniable that everybody love and need freedom. Secondly, torturing of animals in the zoos to perform or to do whatever their master say for visitors who pay the owner of zoos in the lieu of their performance. For example, a survey conducted I year ago by United Nations show that animals living in zoos led more age than those who don’t. On the other hand, there are countless examples to support the contrasting view that zoos are helpful to save rare animals. Firstly take care of animals by means of health, food etcetera is done by zoo officials. Last but not the least, in their natural habitat animals are eaten by other carnivorous animals. To cite an example, white tiger lies under endangered species category list released by United Nations on yearly basis. Their numbers drops to single digit, but when the Subros zoo located in North America protect this rare animals. The numbers upsurge drastically to three digits within three years of its opening. Thus it is evident from all the confabs that both arguments carry equal strong suit and significance and neither can be refuted outright. I personally subscribe to the proposition that zoos are not only helpful to save the rare animals but also create employment for people.
It is an
extensively
held believe that brutality against endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are outweighed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by closure of zoos,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a robust
This word is normally spelled as one word.
counter argument
amongst section of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that zoos are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for protection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
However
, I am of the Judgment that this matter is to
be scrutinized
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
conclusion can
be drawn
.

Elaborating the mindset of those who favors that cruelty against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
by closure of zoos. There are plentiful reasons to justify this viewpoint.
First
and the foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
are caged
against their will as it is undeniable that everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and need freedom.
Secondly
, torturing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the zoos to perform or to do whatever their master say for visitors who pay the owner of zoos in the lieu of their performance.
For example
, a survey conducted I year ago by United Nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
living in zoos led more age than those who don’t.

On the other hand
, there are countless examples to support the contrasting view that zoos are helpful to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Firstly
take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
by means of health, food etcetera
is done
by zoo officials. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, in their natural habitat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are eaten
by other carnivorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. To cite an example, white tiger lies under endangered species category list released by United Nations on yearly basis. Their numbers
You should probably use “drop”.
drops
to single digit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Subros
zoo located in North America protect this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. The numbers upsurge
drastically
to three digits within three years of its opening.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is evident from all the confabs that both arguments carry equal strong suit and significance and neither can
be refuted
outright. I
personally
subscribe to the proposition that zoos are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helpful to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
create employment for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, other people think that zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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