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Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However,other people think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals .discuss both view and give your own opinion

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. v. 3
The practice of putting animals in artificial zones away from their natural habitats has stirred up a controversy around the world. Some people believe that this has a devastating effect on animals but others see this as beneficial for endangered creatures. In my opinion, if given appropriate attention, zoos can contribute to saving the lives of rare animals. Both viewpoints will be analysed in this essay in more depth. On the one hand, some people see zoos as a cause of concern and dismiss / condemn the idea of keeping animals away from nature to live and breed in a limited space. This is because of the horrifying conditions of many zoos around the world especially in under developed areas, where animals are kept in dreadful conditions. For example, in 2007, three zoos in the USA were forced to close by the government after several reports claiming the outrageous treatment of animals came to light. Therefore, the viewpoint that sees zoos are cruel certainly holds water. On the other hand, many argue that zoos contribute to preserving animals which are on the verge of being extinct. This is because zoos protect those animals from illegal hunters, poachers and dangerous conditions. For instance, tigers and crocodiles are being killed for their skin to be sold in the black market. Were these animals left to live in their natural habitat, their extinction would be inevitable. Thus, keeping animals in the zoo is advantageous from this perspective. In conclusion, after analysing both sides of the argument, it seems to me that zoos play a key role in protecting animals. It is hoped that the rights and welfare of animals are prioritised by all organisations around the globe and zoos are kept under close scrutiny to ensure the safety of their animals.
The practice of putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in artificial zones away from their natural habitats has stirred up a controversy around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this has a devastating effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this as beneficial for endangered creatures. In my opinion, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
appropriate attention, zoos can contribute to saving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Both viewpoints will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
in this essay in more depth.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
zoos as a cause of concern and dismiss / condemn the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
away from nature to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and breed in a limited space. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the horrifying conditions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
zoos around the world
especially
in under developed areas, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in dreadful conditions.
For example
, in 2007, three zoos in the USA
were forced
to close by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
after several reports claiming the outrageous treatment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
came to light.
Therefore
, the viewpoint that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
zoos are cruel
certainly
holds water.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that zoos contribute to preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which are on the verge of being extinct. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
zoos protect those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from illegal hunters, poachers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
conditions.
For instance
, tigers and crocodiles are
being killed
for their skin to
be sold
in the black market. Were these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their natural habitat, their extinction would be inevitable.
Thus
, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the zoo is advantageous from this perspective.

In conclusion
, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both sides of the argument, it seems to me that zoos play a key role in protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. It
is hoped
that the rights and welfare of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritised' is British English.
prioritised
by all
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
around the globe and zoos are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under
Consider using "scrutiny".
close scrutiny
to ensure the safety of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
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He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, other people think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. discuss both view and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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