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Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views. v.12

In this modern world, perspectives of how to keep animals are varied between people. Some people think about caging them in zoos or forests while others think it is illogical to limit animals' movements. I am going to discuss these views according to environmental, personal and economic perspectives Keeping some animals in zoos will protect them against predators, bad weather, and food availability. Nevertheless, keeping animals free is more logical than isolating them because if we keep animals caged, they would not be able to have fresh air and chase other animals. Therefore, it is cruel keeping animals confined in small spaces It is advisable to put our efforts into keeping our creatures in their natural habitats, in order to give them the opportunity to experience normal life. Keeping animals is essential because some animals are in fact becoming extinct Although keeping these animals is costly, the profits made by keeping these animals are substantial. Take Indian lions for example, a wide range of people travel to India to see these animals in circuses in India. However, some people think that governments should invest the money in improving the infrastructure of their nations instead Building new electrical power station, for instance, is more important than spending thousands of pounds to preserve certain creatures from extinction Lastly, keeping animals is important for study and research whereas others think we have no right to use animals for entertainment and in labs To conclude, keeping animals in zoos might have many values but it is irrational to keep these animals away from their natural habitat The reasons are that besides they are not vulnerable creatures, they have the right to survive independently because of having feelings and emotions as human.
In this modern world, perspectives of how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are varied
between
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people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about caging them in zoos or forests while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is illogical to limit animals' movements. I am going to discuss these views according to environmental, personal and economic
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
perspectives


Keeping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos will protect them against predators,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
weather, and food availability.
Nevertheless
, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
free is more logical than isolating them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
caged, they would not be able to have fresh air and chase other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Therefore
, it is cruel keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
confined in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
spaces It is advisable to put our efforts into keeping our creatures in their natural habitats, in order to give them the opportunity to experience normal life.

Keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are in fact becoming extinct Although keeping these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is costly, the profits made by keeping these animals

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
are
substantial. Take Indian lions
for example
, a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel to India to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in circuses in India.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should invest the money in improving the infrastructure of their nations
instead
Building new electrical power station,
for instance
, is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than spending thousands of pounds to preserve certain creatures from

extinction

Lastly
, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for study and research whereas others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
we have no right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for entertainment and in labs

To conclude
, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
values
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is irrational to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
away from their natural habitat The reasons are that
besides
they are not vulnerable creatures, they have the right to survive
independently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having feelings and emotions as human.
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Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important.

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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