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Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views. v.8

Few people believed that in animal sanctuary they are treated harshly and consequently it should be close whereas majority of people consider that they are in sake for securing our fauna. In my opinion, individual den of animals clubbed together in a wide area is the only places where they are safe and secure to the upmost. Some portions of people ponder to lock down hub of the creatures. The most compelling reason, they are treated unlawful. This is because lack of proper food and negligence as and when required. As results, we often heard in the news that creatures like dear, white tiger are on the verge of extinction and as well as they are used for different circus shows that are unethical and without consent of the authority. Additionally, proper medical facilities are lacking. Due to absence of specialist veteran doctor, some of the animals died without having proper medication and care. Therefore, various die such as at the time of giving birth, deficient cares of newborns and improper treatment. On the other hand, undoubtly shelter is the best place where a life sustains. Firstly, security is the prime issue for flora, fauna as well as for human being. Every species of nature like to stay in its comfort zone. Hence, shelter for individual is the best place and we can limit the cluster spread for the sake of mankind. For instance, most poisonous snake like cobra, are kept under proper surveillance to protect homosapiens from their attack and widespread. Indeed, children enjoy and learn while observing different kinds of animals in habitat. It helps them in learning at beginning stages of their life which inculcate them to co-relate what they learn in their books. Hence, it is easy for us to take them around to see the shelters of animals, unless it is difficult, if they are not kept in barricades. To conclude, to be in restriction is always being the best way to deal with whether in case of living being or animals. I strongly believe that zoos are essential to keep them in control as well as to stop the spread in towns as it leads to creates unnecessary panic and awkward situation.
Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believed that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
sanctuary they
are treated
harshly
and
consequently
it should be close whereas
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that they are in sake for securing our fauna. In my opinion, individual den of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
clubbed together in a wide area is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
places where they are safe and secure to the upmost.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
portions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ponder to lock down hub of the creatures. The most compelling reason, they
are treated
unlawful. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
food and negligence as and when required. As results, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
heard in the news that creatures like dear, white tiger are on the verge of extinction and
as well
as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
circus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that are unethical and without consent of the authority.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
medical facilities are lacking. Due to absence of specialist veteran doctor,
If the text is a generality, ‘of the’ is not necessary.
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
without having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
medication and care.
Therefore
, various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
such as at the time of giving birth, deficient cares of newborns and improper treatment.

On the other hand
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
undoubtly
shelter is the best place where a life sustains.
Firstly
, security is the prime issue for flora, fauna
as well
as for human being. Every species of nature like to stay in its comfort zone.
Hence
, shelter for individual is the best
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
place and
we can limit the cluster spread for the sake of mankind.
For instance
, most poisonous snake like cobra, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
surveillance to protect
Possible spelling mistake found.
homosapiens
from their attack and widespread.
Indeed
, children enjoy and learn while observing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in habitat. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in learning at beginning stages of their life which inculcate them to co-relate what they learn in their books.
Hence
, it is easy for us to take them around to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the shelters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, unless it is difficult, if they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in barricades.

To conclude
, to be in restriction is always being the best way to deal with whether in case of living being or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. I
strongly
believe that zoos are essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them in control
as well
as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the spread in towns as it leads to creates unnecessary panic and awkward situation.
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IELTS essay Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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