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Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others, however, believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.8

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others, however, believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. v. 8
There is no denying the fact that societies are becoming more and more alike. People all over the world now eat the same kind of food, watch the same TV shows and wear the same kind of clothes. Part of the reason behind this phenomenon is the growth of multinational companies. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? Let’s first look at the positive sides. While globalization can be blamed for making people wear the same kind of clothes and eat the same kind of food, it is also responsible for creating more job opportunities and wealth. It has considerably reduced poverty in the undeveloped world. Globalization has also led to better understanding among countries. When people from across the world get to know each other, it is good for global harmony. Does this mean that cultural identities are being lost? Well, not really. You cannot understand the culture of a society by looking at the way its people look or dress. The foundation of any culture is its value system which is passed from one generation to the next. In my opinion it is these values that distinguish an Indian from an American. They might wear the same kind of clothes or even speak the same language, but their value systems are going to be different in many aspects. For example, family ties are extremely important for an Indian. Even after sons and daughters get married it is quite common for them to continue to stay with their parents. Indians are also taught to obey and respect their parents. Although I am not all that familiar with the American culture, I think there the emphasis is on self-reliance. In my opinion, these traits and beliefs are the cultural identity of a person and a society. It is unaffected by the way they look or talk. To summarize, I do not think that globalization will lead to the total loss of cultural identity. It might make people speak the same language or look the same, but it will have no real impact on deep seated cultural values.
There is no denying the fact that societies are becoming more and more alike.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
all over the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
eat the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the same TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and wear the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of clothes. Part of the reason behind this phenomenon is the growth of multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides. While globalization can
be blamed
for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wear the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of clothes and eat the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of food, it is
also
responsible for creating more job opportunities and wealth. It has
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
poverty in the undeveloped world. Globalization has
also
led to better understanding among countries. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from across the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know each other, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for global harmony.

Does this mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identities are
being lost
? Well, not
really
. You cannot understand the culture of a society by looking at the way its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
or dress. The foundation of any culture is its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
system which
is passed
from one generation to the
next
. In my opinion it is these values that distinguish an Indian from an American. They might wear the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of clothes or even speak the same language,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
systems are going to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects.
For example
, family ties are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for an Indian. Even after sons and daughters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married it is quite common for them to continue to stay with their parents. Indians are
also
taught to obey and respect their parents. Although I am not all that familiar with the American culture, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there the emphasis is on self-reliance. In my opinion, these traits and beliefs are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity of a person and a society. It
is unaffected
by the way they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
or talk.

To summarize
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that globalization will lead to the total loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity. It might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
speak the same language or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
the same,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will have no real impact on
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
deep seated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
values.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others, however, believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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