Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.7

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. v. 7
Health play a significant role in everyone's life because it is a key to success and happiness. Nowadays a majority of masses think that it is the responsibility of a person to pay attention towards their health and stay fit by doing some action, while others argue that authorities should pay attention to their citizen diet. However, I reckon that people should have to eat a healthy diet and stay fit because it is their own responsibilities in this essay I will elaborate the both viewpoints on my further writing. To embark on, the reason why the people have to pay attention to their own health. First and foremost cause of this is that they did not have to depend on their people for their health if they take a light diet then they can build more strength and stay fit. Also these types of folks think that it is a good habit to do exercise and eat healthy food because it also develop their personality level and built a confident level, for instance; a survey was conducted by japan's people in which we came to know that most people who are fit have more successful business and have a lot of confidence while others who have obesity these are suffering from certain problems. On the other hand, some masses believe that it is the responsibility of authorities to make sure that their people eat healthy food because there are various factories which supply food with food fortification and cause more disease. If the government supply healthy food to their citizens, then they can stay fit and healthy. In conclusion, even though it is a true fact that if authorities supply healthy food to their citizen, then they stay fit nevertheless people should stay healthy if they eat healthy food.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "plays".
play
a significant role in everyone's life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a key to success and happiness. Nowadays a majority of masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the responsibility of a person to pay attention towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
action, while others argue that authorities should pay attention to their citizen diet.
However
, I reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibilities in this essay I will elaborate the both viewpoints on my
further
writing.

To embark on, the reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay attention to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
First
and foremost cause of this is that they did not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
if they take a light diet then they can build more strength and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
these types of folks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habit to do exercise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
also
Did you mean "develops"?
develop
their personality level and built a confident level,
for instance
; a survey
was conducted
by japan's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in which we came to know that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
have more successful business and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
confidence while others who have obesity these are suffering from certain problems.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses believe that it is the responsibility of authorities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are various factories which supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
fortification and cause more disease. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to their citizens, then they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
and healthy.

In conclusion
,
even though
it is a true fact that if authorities supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to their citizen, then they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
nevertheless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts