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Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their health and diet. Others, however, believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their health and diet. Others, however, believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. v. 1
Nowadays, health is one of the most important issues that everyone should concern. Some people believe that it is the individual that everyone has own responsibility. However, some believe that it is a duty of governments to ensure that their populations have a healthy food. I partly agree with the latter, but the first is still important. On the one hand, people who believe that well-being and diet are essential for their body. So, everybody must have a duty to take care themselves to be healthier because if you do not do it, the bad results will affect your life. For example, bad healthy cause a lot of diseases which you cannot do some activities in normal ways. Furthermore, you will lose a lot of money to cure the diseases like obesity. In addition, people should always take some exercises by themselves. On the other hand, some argue that the governments have the responsibility to take care their citizens to be a healthy diet. The main reason is countries can alive and drive into the future because of citizens. Hence, governments should affirm that their populations receive a good quality of food which contain a high nutritions. The consequence that will occur if governments ignore about health is the cost of health care will be increased because many people get sick. For instance, people lack of nutrition or overweight. Thus, they have used government fund to pay about their medicines. In conclusion, every section should responsibility for health and diet. Especially, governments must confirm that everyone has a good health.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues that everyone should concern.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is the individual that everyone has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibility.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that it is a duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to ensure that their populations have a healthy food. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
first
is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that well-being and diet are essential for their body.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a duty to take care themselves to be healthier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if you do not do it, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
results will affect your life.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
healthy cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
diseases which you cannot do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities in normal ways.
Furthermore
, you will lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to cure the diseases like obesity.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should always take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises by themselves.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have the responsibility to take care their citizens to be a healthy diet. The main reason is countries can alive and drive into the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of citizens.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should affirm that their populations receive a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of food which contain a high
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "nutrition"?
nutritions
. The consequence that will occur if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care will
be increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lack of nutrition or overweight.
Thus
, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
fund to pay about their medicines.

In conclusion
, every section should responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and diet.
Especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
confirm that everyone has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their health and diet. Others, however, believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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