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Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. v. 5
Teaching young people about literature and past events has been a controversial topic. Several people consider that students should have knowledge about their country’s literature and history instead of others’, whereas others oppose it. From my perspective, although I agree with this, there are also advantages of the opposing view to consider as well, and the reasons for my opinion will be outlined in the following essay. With regard to studying national written works and events in the past, there are plenty of favourable points. The first and most significant one is adolescents are able to understand the content much easier due to the cultures and society they have, which are quite similar to the old times or in the books. With more specificity, in contrast, if the authors mention anything about things that occur in foreign countries, students may require to do extra research which results in a waste of valuable time. Not only this, but they might also have opportunities to receive various advice from their parents because they might have knowledge as a consequence of learning the same history books or read those works of literature before, which would be highly beneficial to students. As a result, their learning might become more effective, which will probably, in turn, augment their grades. Moving to, teaching teenagers the literature and history of other regions, I believe there are fewer benefits in comparison. One of the noticeable ones is youngsters might gain more foreign friends as a consequence of knowing their past incidents or the same writings: namely, novels, poetries and fictions. Moreover, both of them may then share each other interests or beliefs, leading to better relationships between two nations. Furthermore, children can be more omniscient because studying about other countries might lead them to the real world, not just like a frog under a coconut shell. Additionally, they might recognize that their own country is not everything and not all countries are having identical chronicles. They might know about how prosperous countries develop their society and use that knowledge as a guideline purposely to enhance the country they are residing in. In conclusion, it would be more advantageous for children to be knowledgeable about their own country. If the school course managers include related subjects of literature and history of their national land in the curriculum, it will improve the quality of learning, as well as students’ scores. Subsequently, the government and education institutions should collaborate together to make an advancement in the syllabus.
Teaching young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
has been a controversial topic. Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have knowledge about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
instead
of others’, whereas others oppose it. From my perspective, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this, there are
also
advantages of the opposing view to consider
as well
, and the reasons for my opinion will
be outlined
in the following essay.

With regard to studying national written works and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in the past, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
points. The
first
and most significant one is adolescents are able to understand the content much easier due to the cultures and society they have, which are quite similar to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times or in the books. With more specificity,
in contrast
, if the authors mention anything about things that occur in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may require
Did you mean "doing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to do
extra research which results in a waste of valuable time. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
also
have opportunities to receive various advice from their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have knowledge as a consequence of learning the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
books or read those works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, which would be
highly
beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
As a result
, their learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
become more effective, which will
probably
, in turn, augment their grades.

Moving to, teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
regions, I believe there are fewer benefits
in comparison
. One of the noticeable ones is youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
gain more foreign friends as a consequence of knowing their past incidents or the same writings:
namely
, novels,
Possible spelling mistake found.
poetries
and fictions.
Moreover
, both of them may then share each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
interests or beliefs, leading to better relationships between two nations.
Furthermore
, children can be more omniscient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
studying about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lead them to the real world, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a frog under a coconut shell.
Additionally
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
recognize that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is not everything and not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are having identical chronicles. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
know about how prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
develop their society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that knowledge as a guideline
purposely
to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they are residing in.

In conclusion
, it would be more advantageous for children to be knowledgeable about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. If the school course managers include related subjects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of their national land in the curriculum, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of learning,
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
scores.
Subsequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and education institutions should collaborate together to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an advancement in the syllabus.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
416 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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