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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.23

Different people have different abilities and skills. And whatever a person does is what he or she likes and others have no right to question their likes and dislikes. I don't agree with the statement. Yes, the government is spending money on art, music and theater, but it is not a waste of money. People have lots of hidden capabilities and are able to get it out in certain areas only (for e. g, singing and acting). For a person, to know what they want to be is the biggest achievement at the first page of their career. And being a doctor, nurse, banking and other career, they choose to follow it according to what they like to study, but the skill for music and acting needs a big platform to prove that they got what a musician or an actor should have. On the other hand, people rarely take notes on music and acting, however with the help of the government, people have been able to show what they have. There are lots of programs mainly focusing on music and acting, lots of people have got opportunities and many of them even became celebrities after earning reputation from the big platform of singing and acts. Numerous people who never knew what they wanted to be have got the answers. People, unfortunately, didn't think music and acting could be a career but as after decades, nowadays, at the age of technologies, most of the young people are up to arts where people barely used to fall. If the government will decline to take account of entertainment, for sure, many of them will stay unemployed which will raise problems in the government economy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. And whatever a person does is what he or she likes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
have no right to question their likes and dislikes. I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement.

Yes, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is spending money on art,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and theater,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not a waste of money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have lots of hidden capabilities and are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it out in certain areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
(for e. g, singing and acting). For a person, to know what they want to be is the biggest achievement at the
first
page of their career. And being a doctor, nurse, banking and other career, they choose to follow it according to what they like to study,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and acting needs a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
platform to prove that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
what a musician or an actor should have.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rarely take notes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and acting,
however
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
what they have. There are lots of programs
mainly
focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and acting, lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
opportunities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them even became celebrities after earning reputation from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
platform of singing and acts. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who never knew what they wanted to be
Consider using either the past participle “had” or the present participle “having” here.
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the answers.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
, unfortunately, didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and acting could be a career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as after decades, nowadays, at the age of technologies, most of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are up to arts where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
barely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to fall. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
Consider removing ‘will’. (Usually, ‘will’ does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense ‘want to’ or ‘be willing to’.)
will decline
to take account of entertainment, for sure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them will stay unemployed which will raise problems in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
economy.

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
282 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.23