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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.44

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 44
Working from home has been popularised since the post- modern era. While some consider it is a negative development, there remains some disagreement too. In my opinion, I believe that by doing this has advantages not only to workers, but the society as well. First of all, it is an indisputable fact that when a person works from home instead of commuting to his office can contribute more time to his family. In other words, the employee no longer does travel to work or spend money for either car or bus as he sits in his own home and completes his task. Eventually, staff can save, for instance, money, time, and materials for their family immensely. Additionally, both older and younger generations in the family, who are more likely to get benefited from this since their family members around them all the time. Having stayed all the time home, those who work from their most comfortable environment, staff can have balance work- life Yet, another point is taken into account is that this enables to resolve many problems in the society. One obvious merit could be reduced the traffic congestion, when the least number of daily commuters on the road, this can hugely resulting in lesson the traffic blocks especially during peak rush hours. Similarly, this also helps the country reduce fossil fuel consumption since only a minimal number of employees travel to work. Apart from this, regarding business firms, they would experience better productivity as the amount of money, which spend for travel allowance, now, can be channelized to provide incentives to workers: perks, paid holidays, and maternity leave; therefore, it enhances the morale of the staff, and make them to contribute even more to his or her organisation. By way of conclusion, even though people are differed about employing from home, I again reaffirm that this is beneficial for families and the society extensively. It is predicted that, in coming years, more and more offices' would be attracted towards this mode of employment pattern.
Working from home has been
Possible spelling mistake. 'popularised' is British English.
popularised
since the post- modern era. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development, there remains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagreement too. In my opinion, I believe that by doing this has advantages not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to workers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the society
as well
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is an indisputable fact that when a person works from home
instead
of commuting to his office can contribute more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
In other words
, the employee no longer does travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or spend money for either car or bus as he sits in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home and completes his task.
Eventually
, staff can save,
for instance
, money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and materials for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
immensely
.
Additionally
, both older and younger generations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, who are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefited from this since their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members around them all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Having stayed all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
home, those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from their most comfortable environment, staff can have balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work-
life

Yet
, another point
is taken
into account is that this enables to resolve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in the society. One obvious merit could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the traffic congestion, when the least number of daily commuters on the road, this can
hugely
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "result"
resulting
in lesson the traffic blocks
especially
during peak rush hours.
Similarly
, this
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
fossil fuel consumption since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a minimal number of employees travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Apart from this, regarding business firms, they would experience better productivity as the amount of money, which spend for travel allowance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, can
be channelized
to provide incentives to workers: perks, paid holidays, and maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
;
therefore
, it enhances the morale of the staff, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to contribute even more to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.

By way of conclusion,
even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are differed
about employing from home, I again reaffirm that this is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and the society
extensively
. It
is predicted
that, in coming years, more and more offices' would
be attracted
towards this mode of employment pattern.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 44

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
336 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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