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some people believe that it is better to get advice from old people compared to young people. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and include relevant examples. v.4

some people believe that it is better to get advice from old people compared to young people. Give your opinion and include relevant examples. v. 4
Nowadays it is essential to have the right mix of both youngsters and seniors within an organization. According to some people, young workers make a greater contribution to the bottom line of the company; however, others insist that seniors contribute more. In my opinion, both of them are crucial for the success of a company. In this fast-paced business environment, many companies are investing heavily on young professionals. One of the pivotal reasons for this phenomenon is that an organization needs fresh ideas and innovations to have a dominant position in the market. Another reason for recruiting more young people could be the latest technology deployed across the departments. Young people are better than seniors at using technology. For instance, according to data released by CII in the year 2018, the most profitable and innovative companies in India also have the youngest percentage of young people working for them. In other words, to drive innovation and profitability, an organisation needs a younger workforce. On the other hand, the contribution of old and experienced employees cannot be ignored. This is because their experience and exposure to different business situations make them better at handling stressful situations. In addition to that, experienced employees can make calculated moves and invest in avenues that will give steady and sustainable profits. For example, as per CII the companies which have shown balanced growth over the last 5 years are the ones having the most experienced staff. To recapitulate, a company needs both young and mature employees to retain their competitive advantage and stay profitable. While youngsters can bring in innovation, seniors know how to steer the organization during bad times.
Nowadays it is essential to have the right mix of both youngsters and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
within an organization. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a greater contribution to the bottom line of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
;
however
, others insist that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
contribute more. In my opinion, both of them are crucial for the success of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced business environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are investing
heavily
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
professionals. One of the pivotal reasons for this phenomenon is that an organization needs fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and innovations to have a dominant position in the market. Another reason for recruiting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be the latest technology deployed across the departments.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
at using technology.
For instance
, according to data released by CII in the year 2018, the most profitable and innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in India
also
have the youngest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working for them.
In other words
, to drive innovation and profitability, an
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
needs a younger workforce.

On the other hand
, the contribution of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and experienced employees cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. This

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their experience and exposure to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
business situations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them better at handling stressful situations.
In addition
to that, experienced employees can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
calculated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
and invest in avenues that will give steady and sustainable profits.
For example
, as per CII the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which have shown balanced growth over the last 5 years are the ones having the most experienced staff.

To recapitulate, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
needs both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and mature employees to retain their competitive advantage and stay profitable. While youngsters can bring in innovation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
know how to steer the organization during
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
times.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay some people believe that it is better to get advice from old people compared to young people. Give your opinion and include relevant examples. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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