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some people believe that it is better to get advice from old people compared to young people. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and include relevant examples. v.1

some people believe that it is better to get advice from old people compared to young people. Give your opinion and include relevant examples. v. 1
Seeking advice from elders is supposed to be more beneficial instead from the young adults. This belief is argued by many individuals nowdays. However, I, completely, agree with this notion and according to my opinion, experience of octagenarian is always worthy than the enegy of young ones. It is easy to comprehend, why I am in favor of above believe by various reasons. The preponderant is that old people has been gone through various ups and downs of life; resultantly gain knowledge and hand on experience for different aspects of life. To illustrate, If a person is going through financial crisis the he may get best advise from his parents and grandparents about financial management as they managed finances for the same family for years. Secondly, a report published by 'New York Times' proved that teenagers living with their grandparents tend to least behaviour issues as compared to the children living in nuclear family. Thus, advices of experienced people are necessary not only for life skills and problems but also assist new generation towards better ways. On the other hand, few people consider that old people have conservative thinking and they could never compete with this fast paced life. Infact, this is true in some cases because elders are still stick to their traditional myths which results in social disorder such as; : gender inequality, casteism and pateriarchy. Moreover, elder people could not give appropriate advice about technology and fashion. In short, octagenarian may not be able to provide proper guidence in some modren aspects of life where up to date knowledge is needed. In conclusion, although old generation is not much familiar with this contemporay world, for real obstacles of life, their guidance and life experience is always needed. Thus, according to my perception, to achieve success in both personal and professional life one should always seek advice from his elders.
Seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
is supposed
to be more beneficial
instead
from the young adults. This belief
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowdays
.
However
, I, completely,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and according to my opinion, experience of
Possible spelling mistake found.
octagenarian
is always
Use "worthier" to make a comparison with this adjective.
worthy
than the
Possible spelling mistake found.
enegy
of young ones.

It is easy to comprehend, why I am in favor of above believe by various reasons. The preponderant is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been gone
through various ups and downs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
;
resultantly
gain knowledge and hand on experience for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To illustrate, If a person is going through financial crisis
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "he"?
the he
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
best advise from his parents and grandparents about financial management as they managed finances for the same family for years.
Secondly
, a report published by 'New York Times' proved that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
living with their grandparents tend to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
issues as compared to the children living in nuclear family.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
of experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are necessary not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
assist new generation towards better ways.

On the other hand
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have conservative
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
thinking and
they could never compete with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Infact
, this is true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
are
still
Consider using a past participle here: "stuck".
stick
to their traditional myths which results in social disorder such as; : gender inequality,
Possible spelling mistake found.
casteism
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pateriarchy
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not give appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
about technology and fashion. In short,
Possible spelling mistake found.
octagenarian
may not be able to provide proper
Possible spelling mistake found.
guidence
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
modren
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
where up to date knowledge
is needed
.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation is not much familiar with this
Possible spelling mistake found.
contemporay
world, for real obstacles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, their guidance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience is always needed.
Thus
, according to my perception, to achieve success in both personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
one should always seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe that it is better to get advice from old people compared to young people. Give your opinion and include relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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