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Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. Do you agree or disagree? v.8

Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. v. 8
Having a hobby plays an important role in human life. A number of people think that people should choose a difficult hobby if they want to enjoy it. I completely disagree with this view and I believe that the type of the pastime is not important in order to have a sense of joy. Firstly, hobbies which can be easily performed make people happy in some way because what is important is to have a joyful time. Some common pastimes such as listening music, reading a book, and watch films, which have not any difficulty, can effectively boost the mood of individuals. For example, listening music in a rainy day while walking in a forest can reduce the level of stress, and make listeners to enjoy the songs they like, and the nature. Therefore, people would enjoy any leisure time activity as a pastime. Secondly, creative hobbies such as painting, drawing, carving, photography provide people with full of joyful times. For centuries, painting or drawing, which requires some equipment, has played an important role in human life. For instance, early humans painted on the stones in order to enjoy creating something, and expressing a feeling. In other words, early humans found a way to enjoy easy and creative activities and their creations did not have to be a masterpiece, or fascinating. However, what is important was to spend a quality time on a creative activity. Hence, hobbies are considered as important practices irrespective of the difficulty level of them. In conclusion, every hobby contains a source of happiness and joy in some way. I strongly believe that individuals do not have to get a difficult hobby, as even a simple pastime can provide people with a sense of joy.
Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
plays an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should choose a difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
if they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
it. I completely disagree with this view and I believe that the type of the pastime is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in order to have a sense of joy.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
which can be
easily
performed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
is to have a joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
common pastimes such as listening music, reading a book, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films, which have not any difficulty, can
effectively
boost the mood of individuals.
For example
, listening music in a rainy day while walking in a forest can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
listeners to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the songs they like, and the nature.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
any leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
activity as a pastime.

Secondly
, creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
such as painting, drawing, carving, photography provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with full of joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. For centuries, painting or drawing, which requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
equipment, has played an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life.
For instance
, early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
painted on the stones in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
creating something, and expressing a feeling.
In other words
, early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
found a way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
easy and creative activities and their creations did not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be a masterpiece, or fascinating.
However
, what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
was to spend a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on a creative activity.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are considered
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
practices irrespective of the difficulty level of them.

In conclusion
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
contains a source of happiness and joy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way. I
strongly
believe that individuals do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
, as even a simple pastime can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a sense of joy.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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