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Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. v. 1
It is nothing new that people like to pursue a hobby in their spare time. However, while, some people believe that it should be tough in nature, I agree with those who argue that level of difficulty is not the mere criteria for selecting a hobby. To begin with, some people are adventurous and bold by nature. They like to spend thier spare time by doing an activity, which takes a toll on their mentall or physicall ability. The reason for this is they like challanges, and want to fulfill their crave for head-ons. For instance, some people prefer to play sudoku, which involves tricky maths and a lots of patience to complete the puzzle. Thus, it prooves to be a good past time for people who are seeking sense of accomplishment. However, I believe that choice of hobby depends on person’s mood and character. As we seen above, some likes to take real challanges while many likes to just get an entertainment. This is because they want to relax themselves from the daily routine of their life, and instead of taking up challenges, they like to spend time doing things which help them to reduce their stress. For examle, a person likes to play sudoku also enjoy reading books. Even though, it does not invoke reader for any contest, but just offers an experience within the book. In conclusion, although some people likes to participate in difficult hobbies to fulfill the sense of achievement, I feel that the nature of hobby a person select is mostly depends on person’s mood and character.
It is nothing new that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
like
to pursue a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, while,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it should be tough in nature, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who argue that level of difficulty is not the mere criteria for selecting a hobby.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are adventurous and bold by nature. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
like
to spend
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by doing an activity, which takes a toll on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
mentall
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
physicall
ability.
The reason for this is
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
challanges
, and want to fulfill their crave for
Possible spelling mistake found.
head-ons
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to play
Possible spelling mistake found.
sudoku
, which involves tricky
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of patience to complete the puzzle.
Thus
, it
Possible spelling mistake found.
prooves
to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are seeking sense of accomplishment.

However
, I believe that choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
mood and character. As we
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "saw"?
seen
above,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likes
to take real
Possible spelling mistake found.
challanges
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likes
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an entertainment. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to relax themselves from the daily routine of their life, and
instead
of taking up challenges, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
like
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing things which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
examle
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likes
to play
Possible spelling mistake found.
sudoku
also
enjoy reading books.
Even though
, it does not invoke reader for any contest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
offers an experience within the book.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
likes
to participate in difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
to fulfill the sense of achievement, I feel that the nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
select is
mostly
depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
mood and character.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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