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Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it would cause problems for younger people. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

There is an opinion that primarily staff members who have dedicated many years to working for a particular company should be given executive positions in a company. I disagree with this viewpoint in as much as younger workers may have more skills and if not provided with an opportunity for a promotion, they will become demotivted. Although senior employees have proved to be reliable and loyal, more often than not, it is novices who have a wider cluster of actual skills. This is because young specialist exerts their full effort in mastering their hard and soft skills in order to meet the requirement of today’s highly competitive job market. Therefore, having being promoted such workers may bring innovation and help to better incorporate the latest technological advances into business processes which is irreplaceable for every company to flourish. For example, the average age of a new hire at facebook is only 23, this very purpose. Yet another reason why less experience staff members should have even changes for a promotion is that otherwise they will not be motivated to do their best. Knowing that however hard they try, they will not be given higher position in a company, employees are likely to grow reluctant to go the extra mile, which may negatively affect a company’s revenue and curb its development. To illustrate, a popular IT entrepreneur Pavel Durov had to leave his first workplace since despite his outstanding abilities, he was not rewarded with a leading role. As a result, he has successfully set up his own business, while his employer lost his company due to a lack of highly qualified workers. To sum up, even though individuals who have worked fewer years for a particular company might less trustworthy, they should be equally promoted as they have up-to-date knowledge and skill sets. Besides that, this will encourage them to apply their abilities to the fullest, thus contributing to the prosperity of a company.
There is an opinion that
primarily
staff members who have dedicated
many
years to working for a particular
company
should be
given
executive positions in a
company
. I disagree with this viewpoint in as much as younger workers may have more
skills
and if not provided with an opportunity for a promotion, they will become
demotivted
.

Although senior employees have proved to be reliable and loyal, more
often
than not, it is novices who have a wider cluster of actual
skills
. This is
because
young specialist exerts their full effort in mastering their
hard
and soft
skills
in order to
meet
the requirement of
today
’s
highly
competitive job market.
Therefore
, having
being promoted
such workers may bring innovation and
help
to better incorporate the latest technological advances into business processes which is irreplaceable for every
company
to flourish.
For example
, the average age of a new hire at
facebook
is
only
23, this
very
purpose.

Yet
another reason why less experience staff members should have even
changes
for a promotion is that
otherwise
they will not
be motivated
to do their best. Knowing that
however
hard
they try, they will not be
given
higher position in a
company
, employees are likely to grow reluctant to go the extra mile, which may
negatively
affect a
company’s
revenue and curb its development. To illustrate, a popular IT entrepreneur Pavel
Durov
had to
leave
his
first
workplace since despite his outstanding abilities, he was not rewarded with a leading role.
As a result
, he has
successfully
set up his
own
business, while his employer lost his
company
due to a lack of
highly
qualified workers.

To sum up,
even though
individuals who have worked fewer years for a particular
company
might less trustworthy, they should be
equally
promoted as they have up-to-date knowledge and
skill
sets.
Besides
that, this will encourage them to apply their abilities to the fullest,
thus
contributing to the prosperity of a
company
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after 60, it would cause problems for younger people. Ageing affects cognitive abilities - Productivity is very low Current technology is ever changing and older people cannot adopt easily - Conservative in nature. Do not welcome changes

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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