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Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it would cause problems for younger. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it would cause problems for younger. v. 1
It is commonly believed that people should not be allowed to work after the standard retirement age such as 60, as it would be disadvantageous for younger professionals. I tend to agree with this concept considering that stretching the retirement period not only reducing the employment opportunity, but also creates problems for youngsters at the workplace. To embark on, allowing workers to work after the age of 60, create shortages of employment. This happens because when the senior employees occupy the position in an organization for a long duration, it would practically impossible for young professionals to apply for the same post, which designated by a senior employee. It will automatically decrease the potential employment vacancies, which could adversely affect newly graduates. Take the government sectors of Pakistan as an example, the majority of office staff working there are in the age range of 50-70. This policy of public sectors in Pakistan would certainly be prevented junior professionals to get the government jobs. Furthermore, the principle of pushing old-staff to work beyond their standard retirement age would also cause problems for the junior staff at the workplace. One prominent issue arises when old-aged personnel not willing to accept youngsters’ new ideas into the business. This is because old personnel usually do not want to change, as they are more inclined towards the traditional way of working. However, young officials always admire to put creativity into their work. This conflict in the way of working would create enormous issues for young professionals. One recent study of the Academy of Management has found that the main reason for high employee turnover is due to the traditional way of working implemented by old management. In conclusion, while some organizations allowed their workers to extend their retirement duration, I firmly believe that such a policy would drastically effect on younger professionals.
It is
commonly
believed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after the standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
such as 60, as it would be disadvantageous for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this concept considering that stretching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
period not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reducing the employment opportunity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
creates problems for youngsters at the workplace.

To embark on, allowing workers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60, create shortages of employment. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when the senior employees occupy the position in an organization for a long duration, it would
practically
impossible for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to apply for the same post, which designated by a senior employee. It will
automatically
decrease the potential employment vacancies, which could
adversely
affect
newly
graduates. Take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
sectors of Pakistan as an example, the majority of office staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
there are in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
range of 50-70. This policy of public sectors in Pakistan would
certainly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
jobs.

Furthermore
, the principle of pushing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-staff to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
beyond their standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
would
also
cause problems for the junior staff at the workplace. One prominent issue arises when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-aged personnel not willing to accept youngsters’ new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
into the business. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
personnel
usually
do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, as they are more inclined towards the traditional way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
However
, young officials always admire to put creativity into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This conflict in the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
would create enormous issues for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
. One recent study of the Academy of Management has found that the main reason for high employee turnover is due to the traditional way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
implemented by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
management.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
organizations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
their workers to extend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
duration, I
firmly
believe that such a policy would
drastically
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
on younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it would cause problems for younger. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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