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Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it would cause problems for younger. Do you agree or disagree? I v.2

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it would cause problems for younger. I v. 2
Recently, the debate on allowing people to work after the age of 60 has become heated. As far as I am concerned, I do not think that this would cause problems for younger. Firstly, the employment rate of the youngsters might not be directly affected. Some people might claim that when the elderly can work for a longer time, the job places for the younger generation would decrease. However, in many countries, for example Hong Kong and Singapour, the elderly are usually doing some low-skilled work like guards and drivers. Because of the education inflation, many young people nowadays might not be willing to apply for these jobs, therefore, the prolonging the working time for the those elderly would not affect the job opportunities for the younger. Secondly, allowing the elderly to work for a longer time might reduce young people's burden. Since many elderly might need to live on the subsidy when they get retired, elderly in some countries with high cost of living like Hong Kong, or elderly in some developing countries like Vietnam, might not have enough capital for living after their retirement. Therefore, this might increase their children's burden or even the burden for the taxpayers. As a result, lengthening the working period for the elderly can ease the social's burden. To summarize, allowing people to work after the age of 60 might not only not have a dire effect on the employment rate of the young people, but also can help ease the social burden. Therefore, we should be willing to embrace this situation. After analysis this problem, I think the trend for working after the 60s might be prevailed.
Recently, the debate on allowing
people
to
work
after the age of 60 has become heated. As far as I
am concerned
, I do not
think
that this would cause problems for younger.

Firstly
, the employment rate of the youngsters
might
not be
directly
affected
.
Some
people
might
claim that when the
elderly
can
work
for a longer time, the job places for the younger generation would decrease.
However
, in
many
countries,
for example
Hong Kong and
Singapour
, the
elderly
are
usually
doing
some
low-skilled
work
like guards and drivers.
Because
of the education inflation,
many
young
people
nowadays
might
not be willing to apply for these jobs,
therefore
, the prolonging the working time for the those
elderly
would not affect the job opportunities for the younger.

Secondly
, allowing the
elderly
to
work
for a longer time
might
reduce
young
people
's
burden
. Since
many
elderly
might
need to
live
on the subsidy when they
get
retired,
elderly
in
some
countries with high cost of living like Hong Kong, or
elderly
in
some
developing countries
like Vietnam,
might
not have
enough
capital for living after their retirement.
Therefore
, this
might
increase their children's
burden
or even the
burden
for the taxpayers.
As a result
, lengthening the working period for the
elderly
can
ease
the social's burden.

To summarize
, allowing
people
to
work
after the age of 60
might
not
only
not have a dire effect on the employment rate of the young
people
,
but
also
can
help
ease
the social
burden
.
Therefore
, we should be willing to embrace this situation. After analysis this problem, I
think
the trend for working after the 60s
might
be prevailed
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it would cause problems for younger. I v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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