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The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment. Government funding should reflect that. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment. Government funding should reflect that. v. 2
Precaution is better than cure. Nowadays, most of the diseases are spread due to unhealthy lifestyles and lack of hygienic awareness. Some experts have an opinion that if the government do some prevention scheme planning and fund it adequately than It is possible to avoid many diseases. First of all, Today, getting treatment for any diseases is not a cup of tea, especially of lower and middle-class families. You should have too much money to pay hefty hospital bills and medicines and be ready to endure the pain while curing. Additionally, uncured diseases like cancer or diabetes can put you and your loved ones in the pathetic situation. Moreover, If you will consume a large number of medicines then it will damage your internal immune system which is responsible to resist virus and infections bacterias. By this way, curing the diseases is a very costly deal and avoid if possible. On the other hand, lots of diseases are spreading due to unhealthy foods and contaminated drinking water supply. The government should focus on to provide healthy food and better infrastructure for pure drinking water supply. Apart from that, the Government can launch the vaccine program widely for the children and teenagers which can help to remove the foundation of the diseases. For instance, WHO declared that India is polio-free countries because of its extraordinary vaccine programs. The government should allocate its budget wisely in order to prevention of health issues. To sum up, I totally agree with the idea to focus on prevention of the diseases. As it is quite easy and handy compare to the suffering from diseases.
Precaution is better than cure. Nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are spread
due to unhealthy lifestyles and lack of hygienic awareness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
experts have an opinion that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prevention scheme planning and fund it
Use "(adequately)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
adequately
than It is possible to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, getting treatment for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is not a cup of tea,
especially
of lower and middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
families. You should have too much money to pay hefty hospital bills and medicines and be ready to endure the pain while curing.
Additionally
, uncured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like cancer or diabetes can put you and your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones in the pathetic situation.
Moreover
, If you will consume
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
medicines then it will damage your internal immune system which is responsible to resist virus and infections
Possible spelling mistake found.
bacterias
. By this way, curing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly deal and avoid if possible.

On the other hand
, lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are spreading due to unhealthy foods and contaminated drinking water supply. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on to provide healthy food and better infrastructure for pure drinking water supply. Apart from that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
can launch the vaccine program
widely
for the children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to remove the foundation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
For instance
, WHO declared that India is polio-free countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its extraordinary vaccine programs. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate its budget
wisely
in order to prevention of health issues.

To sum up, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to focus on prevention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. As it is quite easy and handy compare to the suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment. Government funding should reflect that. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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