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Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. v.1

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. v. 1
It is argued that having sports as a subject in schools plays an important role in education, which leads to many backlash calling thinking them unnecessary and time-consuming. In my opinion, it is imperative for students to be sporty at an early age. Several reasons why sports education should not be taught at school can be highlighted. Firstly, there are students who are already active at their home and forcing them to move their body more in school is absurd. In other words, the time that they are compelled to learn sports can be used for educational activities encompassing reading books or reviewing lessons. Secondly, sports are personal matters and rendering them compulsory in school is unpractical. This means that students who have to do things in which they are not interested can be discounted and bored, which may occasion many inappropriate behaviours. Despite the aforementioned argument, I believe that incorporating sports in school’s curriculum can be beneficial to student’s physical and mental health. There is sufficient evidence to infer that playing sports can boost youngsters’ self-confidence, concentration, and critical thinking. It can be said that remaining an active lifestyle by playing sports may create a mutually-reinforcing development between physical strengths and academic performance. Furthermore, most school-age children have yet to be aware of the importance of a healthy lifestyle. Such a move, therefore, can promote and spread a positive habit of doing exercises as well as avoiding a sedentary lifestyle at an early age. In conclusion, while I accept that sports can be not congenial to some students for who have no affinity, they gain more than they lose when participating in sports in school as for the broad-based health benefits these deeds offer.
It
is argued
that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a subject in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in education, which leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
backlash calling thinking them unnecessary and time-consuming. In my opinion, it is imperative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be sporty at an early age.

Several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
education should not
be taught
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can
be highlighted
.
Firstly
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are already active at their home and forcing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their body more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is absurd.
In other words
, the time that they
are compelled
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for educational activities encompassing reading books or reviewing lessons.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are personal matters and rendering them compulsory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is unpractical. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do things in which they are not interested can
be discounted
and bored, which may occasion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inappropriate
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

Despite the aforementioned argument, I believe that incorporating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
curriculum can be beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
physical and mental health. There is sufficient evidence to infer that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can boost youngsters’ self-confidence, concentration, and critical thinking. It can
be said
that remaining an active lifestyle by playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may create a
mutually
-reinforcing development between physical strengths and academic performance.
Furthermore
, most school-age children have
yet
to be aware of the importance of a healthy lifestyle. Such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
,
therefore
, can promote and spread a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
habit of doing exercises
as well
as avoiding a sedentary lifestyle at an early age.

In conclusion
, while I accept that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can be not congenial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for
Did you mean "whom"?
who
have no affinity, they gain more than they lose when participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as for the broad-based health benefits these deeds offer.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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