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Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part education Discuss both these views and give your opinion You should write at least 250 words v.3

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part education 3
Before getting into universities taking a year break has become increasingly popular among students. I feel it has a positive impact on the teenagers. A term break before the start of the university means having an experience and supporting themselves financially. Therefore, I would like to put down the advantages in order to prove that this trend is not negative. Some students, who are fresh pass out from schools like to take a year off because they feel it is important to have some experience and to actually feel what they would be dealing with while they will be studying. It does not matter if it is a paid or unpaid job, here what matters is the knowledge of the field. It would also help the students to use their experience throughout the course and having an in depth understanding of the subject. For example, someone who would like to study social work, it is profitable if that student has some experience in the field so that they would be able to mentally prepare themselves regarding their subject ad their future profession. For some students a year gap allows them to raise their tuition fees. There can be several circumstances where a student cannot join university immediately passing out of school. The reason being either the family cannot support their child financially or the student wants to support oneself. So, a year gap allows them to save for the tuition fees. There can be several other reasons such as deciding which stream he or she would like to opt as a profession. As university admission is the deciding factor of their future. In conclusion, I would like to agree that advantages of taking a year off outweighs the disadvantages.
“Before” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Before
getting into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
break has become
increasingly
popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I feel it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. A term break
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
means having an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and supporting themselves
financially
.
Therefore
, I would like to put down the advantages in order to prove that this trend is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, who are fresh pass out from schools like to take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and to actually feel what they would be dealing with while they will be studying. It does not matter if it is a paid or unpaid job, here what matters
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "am", "are", "aren".
is
the knowledge of the field. It would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
throughout the course and having an in depth understanding of the subject.
For example
, someone who would like to study social work, it is profitable if that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in the field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would be able to mentally prepare themselves regarding their subject ad their future profession.

For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
gap
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to raise their tuition fees. There can be several circumstances where a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
immediately passing out of school. The reason being either the family cannot support their child
financially
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
wants to support oneself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
gap
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to save for the tuition fees.

There can be several other reasons such as deciding which stream he or she would like to opt as a profession.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
admission is the deciding factor of their future.
In conclusion
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that advantages of taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off outweighs the disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part education 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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