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Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. Discuss both these views and give your opinion v.4

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. 4
There is little doubt that a sport is beneficial to academic performance, and it plays a crucial role in education. Nevertheless, some people argue that physical education is inessential as it will waste time and resources. Personally, I firmly believe that athletic participation is indispensable because it will teach students some soft skills. On the one hand, sports activities are considered to be harmful to teenagers’ educational outcomes because of less time and money allocated for studying. To be specific, some parents think that academic subjects may ensure their children’s well-paid jobs in the future. Consequently, they would rather that students pay exclusive attention to learning these subjects instead of playing sports. In other words, should physical education be put in the curriculum, the amount of time devoted to sports cannot be used for studying, which may be detrimental to their academic performance. Additionally, schools may invest money in sporting equipment rather than teaching one; hence, students will not have the best learning environment. On the other hand, athletic participation at schools is an opportunity for adolescents acquire essential skills. While playing team sports, they can practice teamwork and communication. For example, to be a good football team, they need to support one another and communicate to understand their teammates. Additionally, sports help teenagers develop ways to cope with failure. If they lose a competition, they will learn to overcome disappointment and do more practice. Therefore, physical education teaches them how to deal with unpleasant experiences as well as being industrious. These lessons definitely play a leading role in their future success. In conclusion, though less time and resources will be spent in academic study, playing sports offer youngsters' chances to cultivate practical skills. My view is that students should be encouraged to participate in physical activities more to learn useful lessons.
There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
doubt that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance, and it plays a crucial role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is inessential as it will waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and resources.
Personally
, I
firmly
believe that athletic participation is indispensable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities
are considered
to be harmful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’ educational outcomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money allocated for studying. To be specific,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects may ensure their children’s well-paid jobs in the future.
Consequently
, they would
rather
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
pay exclusive attention to learning these subjects
instead
of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
In other words
, should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
be put
in the curriculum, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
devoted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for studying, which may be detrimental to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance.
Additionally
, schools may invest money in sporting equipment
rather
than teaching one;
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not have the best learning environment.

On the other hand
, athletic participation at schools is an opportunity for adolescents acquire essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. While playing team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they can practice teamwork and communication.
For example
, to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
football team, they need to support one another and communicate to understand their teammates.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
develop ways to cope with failure. If they lose a competition, they will learn to overcome disappointment and do more practice.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
teaches them how to deal with unpleasant experiences
as well
as being industrious. These lessons definitely play a leading role in their future success.

In conclusion
, though less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and resources will
be spent
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
study, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
offer youngsters' chances to cultivate practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. My view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be encouraged
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities more to learn useful lessons.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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