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schools should offer some type of physical education program to their students. to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

schools should offer some type of physical education program to their students. v. 1
Exercise is the most important factor for having a healthy body and staying in a good shape. I strongly believe from early ages exercise must be a part of our daily life and schools have to consider a physical education program in the student curriculum. Firstly, Exercise is the most transformative thing for the brain and there is an effective connection between the brain’s function and physical activities. For example, exercise could increase levels of new cells in the hippocampus which improve your long-term memory. You could protect your body from neurodegenerative diseases such as Alzheimer by doing regular exercise too. Also, the more your brain being sharp and active, the more your body function improves and its help you to increase your life expectancy. Secondly, nowadays many people’s health is at risk, so if they want to keep healthy they should change their lifestyle. For instance, Obesity, cardiovascular issues and blood pressure are some kind of diseases which threat your health but, you could get back into shape by doing physical activities and having healthy diet. Besides, it is so necessary to teach children to do exercise and in this way schools have a key role. Many students experience a lot of stress during their studies especially in their exams time so, by doing a daily exercises they could relieve stress in better way and improve their productivities. Furthermore, Maintaining an attention and concentration is another beneficial of physical activities for students which helps them to success in their studies. To summarize, doing exercise not only help students to progress in their studies, it also help them to maintain healthy life and live a longer life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body and staying in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape. I
strongly
believe from early ages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a part of our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education program in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
curriculum.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
is the most transformative thing for the brain and there is an effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
the brain’s function and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
could increase levels of new cells in the hippocampus which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your long-term memory. You could protect your body from neurodegenerative diseases such as Alzheimer by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
too.
Also
, the more your brain being sharp and active, the more your body function
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to increase your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy.

Secondly
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health is at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their lifestyle.
For instance
, Obesity, cardiovascular issues and blood pressure are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of diseases which threat your health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back into shape by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet.
Besides
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
necessary to teach children to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and in this way schools have a key role.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
during their studies
especially
in their exams time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
a daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
they could relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in better way and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
productivities
.
Furthermore
, Maintaining an attention and concentration is another beneficial of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to success in their studies.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to progress in their studies, it
also
Did you mean "helps"?
help
them to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay schools should offer some type of physical education program to their students. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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