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Some people believe that having access to the internet is necessary to live a full life today To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people believe that having access to the internet is necessary to live a full life today v. 1
commonly believed by some people that, environmental issues ought to be solved globally, while others are of opinion that they should be treated at national level. In this essay, I will explain both the sides and finally give my opinion. On the one hand, there are some environmental problems that should be dealt globally such as global warming, black hole in the ozone layer. So, all countries should unite and form a community to discuss and share ideas to resolve this. Moreover, problems can be solved easily and effectively by working together. For instance, recent fire in amazon and Australian forest was not only a one country problem, but also a major concern for the whole world because millions of trees and animals were burned and turned into ashes. 30% of oxygen generates from the amazon forest. However, many developed came forward to help them financially and professionally to put off the fire. It would be possible only if worked together. On the other hand, some poor nations have their own internal problems like water scarcity, pollution and bulk amount of garbage. These kinds of issues should be resolved with the help of government and individuals of the same country. For example, in rural areas of poor countries like Uganda have water problem, it is not available to everyone and in few places available but polluted. With the help government and many NGO's donated money to install filtration plants to filter water. So, these kinds of issues should be solved nationally. To Conclude, in my opinion countries should all work together and help each other to resolve global issues and make this world a better place to live. However, it is the responsibility of the nation and their individuals to improve their standard of living.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
commonly
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that, environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
ought to
be solved
globally, while others are of opinion that they should
be treated
at national level. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both the sides and
finally
give my opinion.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that should
be dealt
globally such as global warming, black hole in the ozone layer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should unite and form a community to discuss and share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to resolve this.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be solved
easily
and
effectively
by working together.
For instance
, recent fire
The usual collocation for "amazon" is "on". Did you mean "on amazon"?
in amazon
and Australian forest was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a major concern for the whole world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
millions of trees and animals
were burned
and turned into ashes. 30% of oxygen generates from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
forest.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed came forward to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
financially
and
professionally
to put off the fire. It would be possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if worked together.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poor nations have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like water scarcity, pollution and bulk amount of garbage. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
should
be resolved
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, in rural areas of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Uganda have water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, it is not available to everyone and in few places available
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
polluted. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'NGO'.
NGO's
donated money to install filtration plants to filter water.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
should
be solved
nationally
.

To Conclude
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should all work together and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
each other to resolve global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this world a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
However
, it is the responsibility of the nation and their individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their standard of living.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that having access to the internet is necessary to live a full life today v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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